Policy of Truth
by fidda-fletcher
Summary: Hermione and Fletcher take sanctuary in Severus's home SSHG FIC
1. Knowing Severus Old Times

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books. I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction.  
  
Author notes: This is my first fic, please be kind. Rating will go up in later chapters as the story progresses.  
  
Chapter one: Knowing Severus  
  
Severus Snape sat at his mahogany desk and wrote out his lesson plans for the following week. His hands tangled as ivy around his quill, tired and decayed, it wrote out of necessity, not desire. His brain moved quickly from one topic to another without the recognition of one above another. He had to admit, finally, to himself that his present thoughts were concentrated elsewhere and that he couldn't be bothered to write lessons plans in his current state. He rose softly and caressed the etchings of vines around his desk before pouring himself a glass of fire whiskey and retiring to his private quarters. He realized that the fire whiskey would be his confidant that night, perhaps the next he would be would chose something more sophisticated and suiting to his character. After he folded the sheets of his four-poster bed back, he removed his robes and lay down upon the Egyptian cotton warmth. He doubted greatly the need for his rather warm velvet blanket that night, the whiskey usually kept him warm enough beneath the covers and no one fancied a sweaty, greasy, slimy professor in the morning. (Not that he expected anyone to be there in the morning after all.) He sighed gently into the night and whispered "Nox" extinguishing his only light. Tomorrow was going to be a terrible day.  
The next morning, Severus awoke to find the house elves had replaced his glass of whiskey with a glass of hot tea and some biscuits. They had also covered him tightly with the velvet blanket sometime in the night. He cursed them beneath his breath, but thanked them in his head as they had been taking care of him without hesitation or compensation for over twenty years. The shower that morning was welcome and comfortable, he realized it had been too long since he had enjoyed such a wonderful shower. He pulled his hair from his face and stared blankly into his mirror.  
"Quite fetching today, Severus." The mirror quipped.  
"Don't be cheeky." He replied to the mirror, yet he knew that would be the only compliment he would receive that day. He didn't dwell, any longer, on the fact that the world did not consider him to be the most satisfactory looking potions master. They valued his work and his expertise, but love had evaded him since his childhood, even then his mother loved him because of the fortune he could one day give her. His father, well, that was another story completely. He had decided many years ago that a life of love was not a life he fancied; so he devoted his life to the pursuit of knowledge and cure for illnesses. His life's ambition was not to become a sniveling, purse-holding husband at his wife's beck and call. He had no intention of continuing a life tainted with things he had no control over, so he gave up the finer sex and decided to live in his dungeons, alone. He gave up pleasure in the pursuit of the greater aspects of genius and self-control. Yet, even with all his successes and accolades, loneliness followed him about as a moth to a flame and he had been burned several times. Burned deeper than any death mark and more painful. Love was not a subject Severus cared to elaborate on. Alas, there was always someone to provoke him into another date, normally Albus on his holiday having met (supposedly) nice and agreeable witches wherever he happened to be. He often owled Severus and beckoned him to join him; yet Severus knew Album's heart belonged solely to one Deputy Headmistress and therefore had probably only wanted Severus to find company among people rather than potions and books. Though he never accepted, he would've felt slighted if Albus didn't invite him at least once a year. Today was the start of another term. Another eight months of ignorant brats and precocious know-it-alls. He would conquer the year as he always and remain sober long enough to drink another summer away once more.  
  
Chapter 2: Old Times  
  
"The directions for the potion are here, on this board. Do follow them or Gods save us all." Severus flicked his wrist and the directions for the potion were on the board. His voice barked abnormally loud that mid- afternoon while he had the ravenclaw and Hufflepuff fifth years. They were to be working on a dreamless sleep draught, yet he worried somehow that none of them would succeed in creating the potion with any distinction. When the class had ended and Severus adjourned to his private office, he ate slowly through a shepherds pie and pumpkin juice. Of course if a student had caught him drinking the juice, he would deny it. At a quarter after three, he had to meet with a ministry official about the latest Wolfsbane potion he had been perfecting. He felt assured that his new discovery would revolutionize the consumption and duration of the potion.  
"Enter". He replied to knocks on his office door. As the door opened, Severus stood to greet the woman as she stepped slowly through the door, not looking at her face. "Good day, Professor Snape." Hermione Granger-Hopkins offered. She took a seat nearest to her ex-professor and removed her quill and parchment from her large bag. "I have read your letter several times and am quite interested that you've continued your research of the Wolfsbane potion. What are your new discoveries, Sir." He braced himself on the edge of his desk and stared into her chestnut brown eyes. They hadn't changed much in four years, yet her face seemed aged and weary, the war had taken its toll. Her courage and determination hadn't wavered an in inch, yet he could see how tired and deprived she was. His eyes traveled from hers to the now healed scar across her left cheek; he had put that deformity there. "I have been developing a potion similar to the Wolfsbane that requires the active blood cultures of the wolf, in a lucid form, and the addition of peppermint leaves which oddly makes the root adhere to the blood. The adherence of the two elements make the potion more powerful and takes away the horrible taste. The wolf would therefore only have to take the potion every three to six months and not every month." Hermione had jotted down all the details on her faded parchment. The constant scratching of her quill made him remember her student years when she had taken enough notes to start a library. Her long, slender hands folded the parchment back to write the date at the top. She also wrote his full name and location of the interview.  
"Have you tested the potion successfully, Severus...Professor Snape?" He turned quickly as she said his given name. He hadn't heard her utter the name since the fall of Voldemort.  
"Yes, Remus Lupin has been my test subject. He took it six months ago and hasn't needed a stronger dose or any dose since then. He says the feelings he normally would have the days approaching the full moon have wavered almost completely. " Her eyes widened and fell back to her notes. Thoughts of the importance of his discovery ran through her mind like flashes of memories from her days working in the potions lab with him. Happy days before the war and the end of their acquaintance. She had noticed him looking at scar; she wondered if he even remembered putting it there.  
"This is positively amazing." She whispered taking a vial of the liquid and surveying it with her monocle. " You will be rightly praised, Severus." The need for formality had expired. She placed the vial in her pocket and her parchment in a folder marked "Urgent". He wondered if she enjoyed her job at the ministry. Then it was obvious he had been silent too long, so he made words appear.  
"Thank you, Ms. Granger."  
"After further tests, the ministry will begin to distribute the potion to test cases and such; with your permission of course. If everything goes well, you'll probably need to come to the ministry to approve bottling and distribution. And it's Hopkins now. " She paused, taking her eyes from his. She had always felt intimidated by his onyx eyes. She also felt that if she stared into them any longer, she would lose herself once more and forget her purpose of the day. " This potion will promote the safety and stability of werewolves everywhere, Professor. The whole magic community should be thanking you." She thrust her hand out. He didn't quite know what to do, as handshakes weren't customary in the wizarding world. So he took it in his and shook hers. Her ring brushed his finger slightly, making chills erupt. He hadn't known that she married. Somehow the news still hadn't hit him entirely. "You are too kind." He whispered beneath his breath not knowing if he had actually wanted her to hear the phrase.  
"I will be writing you within the week once the minister has appropriated funds and sanctions. The test cases will begin as soon as everything is in place. The paperwork I have left on your desk will need to be filled out and returned no later than Friday." She took her wand from beneath her hunter green and silver robes and transfigured her large bag into a small purse. He felt dead on his feet as he tried to cross the room to meet her at the door. If romance and love had escaped him, chivalry never would.  
"Thank you for your help and support, Ms. Gran...Hopkins." He said, opening the door for her.  
"It's as much as you deserve, Severus. I am taking the Departmental Head position in investigation of potions and wands services, so my owls will be coming from another post." He nodded at her promotion. " The paperwork can still be sent to my current office, but after that everything will need to be forwarded. Thank you for your patience." She stepped through the doorway swiftly, gone before he could reply.  
"She must be a saint." He said again beneath his breath. He wondered how she could even speak with him as ghastly and horrid he had been to her that last time they had been in contact. When he began altering the potion, she had been his lab assistant working simultaneously with the ministry to create a more stable Wolfsbane. He remembered how flustered and uneasy she was at first. The look of hatred rarely escaped her eyes, yet over time, she began to admire him and his work. Potions had never been her best subject, yet she enjoyed the preciseness and art in which the potions were created. When it was obvious that the war had begun and his duties doubled, he had acquired her assistance two years after her graduation. The ministry had been reluctant to let her go as she had been developing a more efficient filing system (which was the most boring work she'd ever done), but his request was something they couldn't ignore. He wondered where they would be today if the events of the War hadn't tainted their budding whatever it was. He hadn't missed her at all until the very moment she walked in the door. Alone and empty, he returned to his desk and poured some hot tea into his cup. Nevertheless, this year was going to be filled with surprises and disappointments. Yet another year of self-loathing and desperation for the potions master. 


	2. The Apology kind of

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books. I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction.  
  
Author notes:  
  
Chapter 3: The Apology...kind of  
  
After walking to the gates and apparating to the ministry, Hermione plumped down on her couch and sighed heavily. Meeting Severus again after the four-year absence had been more arduous and uncomfortable than she had imagined. She felt so confident and resolved when she had left the office; yet stepping through the gates and meeting Severus again had trampled down all of her hopes. Turning through her notes, she marked a couple spots on the theory area and set it all on her desk. It was already after five and she still had to write a complete report on her visit.  
"How'd it go with Snape?" Arthur Weasley said, sticking his head in her office door. He hadn't known of their history, so his question wasn't as threatening as it sounded. She wiped her brow and sighed once more.  
"His research is firm, infallible. I believe he might have made a major break through, Arthur, I really do." She put her notes in a folder, (headed Snape, Severus, Lycanthropy) and shoved it beneath her mountain of folders.  
"Was he civil?"  
"Yes, as much as he can be. He seemed just as excited and enticed by the findings as I was and I guess he knew he had discovered something grand. I doubt if we were in a normal meeting, he would've been so civil." She blushed slightly and wished the animosity in her voice could be swallowed back. Alas, she knew Arthur would think her dislike was coming from her years as a student, but rather there was more to the story than many people could ever understand.  
"Well, seems the work for today is done, why don't you head home. Tell Christopher I said hello." Arthur replied, heading down the hallway towards his own office. Perhaps the best thing she could do was head home to her husband, let him bear her burden for a while and rest.  
"Hermione, is that you? I have dinner ready in the kitchen." Christopher called out into the darkness. She saw that the only light in the entire house that shown was in the kitchen and even then it seemed to only be candles  
"Christopher, what have you done?" Hermione asked, seeing the brilliant candles glowing all around their dinner plates. It looked as though he had made her favourite meal, lamb stew and garlic bread. She could smell the garlic tempting her nostrils.  
"I know you don't often remember our anniversary and we usually don't celebrate, but it's three years, Hermione, and I wanted you to enjoy it this year." Her eyes glistened with tears; an emotion of deep love and shock enveloped her body. She rushed quickly and grabbed her husband around his waist.  
"You never stop surprising me, ever." She pulled him into a kiss so emotionally driven that her mouth actually hurt from the impact and then released him to run and change into something less restraining. She pulled out the gift she had purchased for him the previous weekend knowing that inevitably she would forget the day again. She threw off her heavy robes and put on a sheer gown and wrap, she knew Christopher wouldn't care about her attire.  
"You did remember?" He asked, taking the gift from her hand.  
"Not entirely, I bought this last weekend. I know it's not the same, sweetheart, but today was so trying. It's no excuse, I know, but please don't be upset." She said, watching him open the gift. It was a new cauldron set with vials and stoppers that he so desperately needed, plus another small gift that she knew would really surprise him. His eyes became glossy when he saw the cauldrons. It wasn't that the gift was extravagant, after all gold embossed cauldrons aren't the standard, it was that she was supporting his work in the potions field. His smile faded a bit when he got to the smallest package. It was a tiny shoe with a blue ribbon that said 'New Daddy'.  
"Does this mean...?"  
"Yes, we're having a baby." Hermione's replied, trying desperately to sound as excited as he looked.  
"This is so wonderful, Hermione. So everything was safe enough to carry a child? How far along."  
" Yes, the healer said everything looked well enough. I visited St.Mungo's last Tuesday. The healer said about three and half months along and that it is definitely a boy, hence the blue ribbon. She said she felt such masculine hormones from the test that it couldn't possibly be a girl." Christopher scooped up his tiny wife and held her tight against his chest.  
"It's already that far along and you didn't know?" " I was suspecting, but I wasn't sure." She replied, though deep inside where she was sure he would never know was the secret that she was avoiding the doctor and this pregnancy at all costs. "You have made me the happiest and most proud husband, Hermione Hopkins. You have given me unlimited support. What have I done to deserve you?" She kissed his lips softly and felt her feet return to the floor.  
"You saved me, Christopher." She whispered. Famished, she dug into her dinner and ate the entire bowl. Her appetite had increased so rapidly that she felt hungry almost constantly. After dinner, Christopher retired to his lab and Hermione to her books. She often liked to be in his presence simply to watch him. He was tall, everyone noticed that first. She had noticed his violet eyes first and his wondrous hands. Perfect for potions, she had thought. His graying hair had once been a deep mahogany and the texture as fine as silk, but thick and curly like a true God. She loved the slightly gray edges that sculpted his face, such a distinguished face, she thought. She watched him stir a potion and then she laid her book down and felt tingles in her belly. She hoped her son would be like her husband, tall and good, if she had to have a child, she at least wanted one that was similar to her husband.  
That next morning, Hermione rushed vigorously to get ready for work, her appetite not yet satisfied and her feet aching. She grabbed a quick bite of bread and apparated to the ministry. She was surprised to find Severus Snape's papers on her desk already. She flipped through them and noted that precision was obviously important to him. She wondered for a brief second if Christopher would be brewing the potion for security before the test subjects could be given it. 'At least he's thorough' she thought to herself as she finished the papers. Her day was actually going to be calm, considering how it normally was. She had to inform Arthur about her pregnancy, that was her goal for the day. Knocking on his door, she waited hoping he wasn't too busy as her courage was wavering.  
"Oh, Hermione, what was it you needed. I was just finishing a talk with Severus." Hermione's eyes darted from Arthur's to Severus's and then back to Arthur's. She hadn't anticipated Severus being at the ministry that day.  
"I wanted to turn in a notice about a leave I am planning on taking." She said, quietly. She thrust the paper into Arthur's hand and awaited his reaction. His eyes went bold and a smile crept upon his lips.  
"This is just wonderful, Hermione. I wondered what your good news for Christopher was. March first through April second, I'll check with records, but I doubt we'll have any trouble getting this time. By that time we'll have this Wolfsbane testing done and your assistant trained." She beamed feeling boosted at his good tidings. "Don't you want more time, though, a month is hardly enough time to recover and get situated." Hermione twitched, she suddenly remembered Severus Snape was still looming in the corner and honestly didn't want him to know the reason for her leave.  
"Christopher is planning on taking a leave as well, a much longer one." She replied. Arthur grabbed her and hugged her a famous Weasley hug.  
"Ron will be so pleased, he was afraid he would be the only one with children for another ten years. We all know Harry is too preoccupied to have children now...I'll turn this in for you, Hermione and you should receive a formal notice by next month. Congratulations again, dear." He said, releasing her. She blushed ferociously and turned on her heal. She didn't want to see his face, she knew Severus would see through her happiness on some level. He knew her history, he knew she had never wanted children. Her life had been too complicated with work and education that children seemed to always take a backseat to her ambition.  
"Bye then, gentlemen." She fled to her office and tried desperately to lose her feelings of loss. She was happy that she could make Christopher happy, but in her heart, she was afraid that she could never love a child or be grateful for a child like he would be, like she once was. After ten or so minutes of crying, she wiped away her anguish and opened her door to grab lunch. At the cafeteria, she sat solemnly at a corner table and ate chicken salad while reading a study on the statistics on wizard parents and their nonmagical children. After finishing, she retreated to her favourite spot on the outskirts of the ministry. Her blanket spread out, she sat squarely on it and read another article about her old professor Remus Lupin. A gentle breeze swallowed her into another world and she closed her eyes and thought about her years at Hogwarts and how she missed seeing Ron and Harry everyday. She made a mental note to call on Ron and Harry when she had some free time. While returning to her office, she noticed her office door ajar.  
"Excuse me, who gave you permission to come into my office." She inhaled sharply as he turned to face her.  
"My apologies, Mrs. Hopkins, I was only leaving some additional material for the research. I hope it hasn't been a burden." She closed her door and ran her finger across her scar, somehow whenever she saw Severus now, all she could feel was the moment the poisoned blade was inserted deeply in her cheek. She sat down abruptly in her chair and looked over his additional material.  
"You have provided us with the best possible notes and research, Professor Snape, we are eternally grateful. I know that Remus will always be appreciative and my husband as well." She said, slyly, then regretting that she had mentioned Christopher's wolf status.  
"Your husband has Lycanthropy?" Severus asked.  
"Yes, he does."  
"Aren't you worried about having a child with him?" He snapped back. He realized immediately that his words were sharp and then bowed his head in shame.  
"No, I am not worried." She replied. Though she wasn't worried about her son becoming a werewolf, she was worried about having a son period.  
"I wish you luck, Mrs. Hopkins, with the child. If history serves me well, I remember thinking I would never see you with a child. I guess times have changed." He opened the door tried to leave it gracefully.  
"Perhaps I just didn't want a child with you." She whispered, knowing that it was a lie.  
"What?" Severus replied sharply to her comment.  
"Perhaps I just didn't want a child with you." She replied just as sharply. For the first time in her life, she saw something like hurt flash across his face. And again she felt that guilty feeling she always felt whenever she thought about children. Tears of regret immediately embraced her cheeks and before she could rationalize her next move, she leapt from her seat to close her door quickly. Her arms grabbed his and then covered his mouth so he couldn't protest too loudly while she finished her thought.  
" I didn't mean that Severus. I never wanted children with anyone, but if I would've had a choice, he would be yours. No permanent scar or near-death experience could ever wretch your face, your breath, your being from my memories and my life. I can't believe I never felt this before. I thought you would never forgive yourself for the things that happened that night and that you could never forgive me for the way I treated you afterwards. You had every right to want me gone, Severus. I loved you so immaturely and selfishly that it was only a matter of time before you shoved me out of your life. And you may think that when I left, I stopped loving you or wanting to be your partner, but I didn't. I chose not to stay because I knew somehow life would always be worse than before and less bearable. When you let me leave those four years ago, I went to the first man I could think of who had shown me support and flirted with me a bit at the ministry. I chose to marry a potions master who is so much like you sometimes I close my eyes and pretend you are there and not him. Christopher loves me and I am slowly learning to love him as more than a carbon copy of you. But to me, you are home. Please never think for one second that I haven't thought about you almost every night before I sleep. You made me feel needed when everyone else made me feel used. And this scar is a daily reminder that once there was something between us besides distance...even if it was put there in bad circumstances. I am sorry to have said such horrible things, it's just that I've waited four years to apologize and say exactly how I feel that sometimes my anger and jealousy get in the way." She paused and ran her free hand across the crescent shaped scar once more. Severus stood frozen at her door, no emotion on his face whatsoever. "It couldn't be removed, they told me. And anyhow, it's not something I can forget now. If you cannot accept my apology I understand. I mean, I was horrible those weeks after that night, but I was in more pain then you could ever imagine. I know you think that cannot be possible considering your history, but trust me, things happened that you don't know about. I don't know what else to say now. I mean, I know this is all awkward and sudden, but seeing you yesterday brought it all back to me and made me realize many things. Can you forgive me?" She waited for his answer, though didn't expect anything cheerful or rewarding. She knew better than to expect forgiveness. "Severus, I am so sorry, but you have to understand that there is so much more to the story than you know..." She whispered and hoped he hadn't heard.  
"I see." He said, his voice low and downhearted. She wondered what was going through his head as he stood there staring into her face.  
"You don't have to say anything. I understand, really, I just wanted you to know that I was sorry and hoped we could live on good terms." He eyed her cautiously and took her hand in his.  
"For me, there is no end. There is forgiveness and there is cowardice. I chose forgiveness because I know that what I did was unforgivable. So, to answer your question, yes, I forgive you if you can somehow learn to forgive me and someday enlighten me to this other story." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed is softly, his breath warm and soft. She felt a surge of pure love for him and then blocked it out before opening the door.  
"You have my forgiveness, Severus, as long as you never forget me or our life together." His eyes left hers and her hand slid from his. "For me, there is no end. There is forgiveness and there is cowardice. I chose forgiveness because I know that what I did was unforgivable. So, to answer your question, yes, I forgive you if you can somehow learn to forgive me and someday enlighten me to this other story." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed is softly, his breath warm and soft. She felt a surge of pure love for him and then blocked it out before opening the door.  
"You have my forgiveness, Severus, as long as you never forget me or our life together." His eyes left hers and her hand slid from his.  
"There is no end, Hermione, ever." He replied. She held the door and let him leave. As she sat down on her couch, she wondered how she had gotten through the previous ten minutes. Her palms covered her face completely as she let a sigh of relief and despair escape her lips. She stayed that way for an hour or so drowning her pitiless sorrows in tears. It been so long since his presence had overtaken her in such a way. She was determined to return home to Christopher and forget the transgressions of the day, however unlikely it was. After filing out the remainder of her reports, Hermione apparated home to the husband who apparently loved her and left the stale memory of Severus behind. 


	3. In the Dungeons

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books. I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction. Anything you recognize is not mine.  
  
Author notes: Sorry this one is short, but i promise a longer one is to come. Rating will go up for the next chapter due to scenes of torture and mutilation. Thanks for reading!  
  
Chapter 4: In the Dungeons  
  
Severus swept quickly through the dungeons trying to avoid all possible magical contact, especially his students. He'd had almost two days off without them and it had been a much-needed break. His mind reeled over the previous days and how they had made him feel things and do things he hadn't imagined for years. Upon entering his office, he opened his agenda and wrote his plans for the week. He needed to speak with Remus Lupin as soon as possible to talk over the effects of the of the wolfsbane more thoroughly so he would be able to send more material to aide research at the ministry. He tried arduously to keep thoughts of Hermione from his mind, but she paraded about as she pleased wreaking havoc in every crevice. Her confessions had left him dumbfounded, for lack of a better word, he was wasted. He had known that his presence had made her uncomfortable, but he had no idea that she felt the way she did. Four years ago, he had been rather controlling and less submissive; yet he knew that had always tried to show her adoration. Perhaps he should've shown her that he loved her, as she obviously hadn't felt that he had. The brisk taste of the Canterbury wine he had poured laced his lips like poison (poison of the mind, he thought). After starring absentmindedly towards his bookshelves, he reached into the last drawer of his desk, on the left-hand side, and pulled out a dusty old photograph. He remembered the two people so severely that his temple began to ache. This had been a more peaceful time full of hope and less separation. He looked at the two people celebrating their triumph; their new serum to protect the positive nature of the werewolf. Hermione's laugh echoed throughout his brain as he stared at her. Her head rose and fell in a fit of laughter, so beautiful and alive. No scar on her cheek, no grimace at his touch. He himself was smiling. A real smile full of teeth and dimples he had tried to hide for so long. He hadn't thought of that moment for a while and it was nice to visit it again for a period. He remembered thinking no one could bring that side out in him. He also remembered how innocent Hermione was before he tainted her as he always did with the ones he loved. He had simply loved her, but now he knew that page, as in the many books on his bookshelf, was dusty and overlooked. He felt somehow that they both had to change their current relationship or finally close the book and put it to rest. Alas, a Snape is never a quieter. Before putting the picture back in the drawer, he swallowed the last of his wine and slipped into his bed. There really was nothing left to lose now, but that didn't make him feel any better or worse. 


	4. Baby Fletcher

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books. I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction. Anything you recognize is not mine.  
  
Author notes: Thanks everyone who had reviewed so far.  
  
Chapter 5: Baby Fletcher The weeks and months that followed kept Hermione busy. Not only did she have her normal workload, but the workload of a department head as well. Regardless, her ethic hadn't wavered, but her energy level had. She felt as though she could no longer stand to work ten hours a day and often sent work home from the ministry and then owled it back. She had received several field reports from Remus about the new wolfsbane, but nothing from Severus. She wondered often, if her words had frightened him away. She remembered when she had first told him that she loved him and how he went into this reclusive phase and ignored her. He had finally reciprocated her feelings when she had returned to the ministry and stopped her work with him. She knew that thinking of Severus would only get her into trouble, so willed her thoughts of Severus away, though really he was all she could think of lately.  
  
She had been to see her healer at St. Mungo's and the progression of her pregnancy went smoothly. Upon her last visit, the healer had informed her that it wouldn't be much longer before her child was born. Although scared, she was less afraid of the birth than the responsibility of raising a child. She was terrified that he would be born and she would feel love for him as if he were a favourite song or dish, like a fleeting dream. When she had felt the first pains of labor, she cried herself to sleep knowing that it would be her last night being able to pretend somehow that he wasn't real. She waited nearly as long as she could and when Christopher noticed her pain, he apparated them to St. Mungo's. Hermione passed out before she could see her son. The dreams she had been having kept her occupied until at last she came upon a dream she was ready to escape. It was the night she had earned her scar and lost Severus.  
****flashback****  
The mist rose to her knees or at least she though it was mist, it could have been poisonous gas for all she knew. She felt constricted as the blindfold and ropes kept her from seeing her surroundings and walking properly. She felt moist, hot breath on her neck. It wasn't erotic like when Severus bent over her in the lab, this was hot and contagious. After being floated over a great distance, she was stopped in what felt like a cellar, cold and damp like death. When her blindfolds was lifted, she saw hooded men all around her, only Voldemort remained in natural form, however natural it was.  
"So glad you could join us tonight, mudblood, such a pity your friends could not." Voldemorts voice boomed, full of sarcasm and triumph.  
"You've not killed my friends, I know better." Hermione shouted, knowing he was trying to provoke emotion from her and break her spirit. She tried her best to paint a blank look across her face, but she knew her anger was showing. As the wind picked up outside the structure, she smelled Severus among the crowd.  
"You provide yourself with undue courage, Ms. Granger. Perhaps you would benefit from a little lesson. It's called Let's disfigure the mudblood. You see this knife here has a poisoned blade, magically poisoned and once it enters your skin it will begin eating your flesh until there is no more." Voldemort's shrill laugh echoed throughout the cellar and made Hermione's skin crawl. She wondered if Voldemort planned to kill her or simply leave her for dead or torture. Severus' smell continued to haunt Hermione as she awaited her certain death. She couldn't let Severus see her afraid. She really had no one to blame but herself for the situation as she had decided not to follow Severus's orders and stay at the castle. Jealousy was a bitch named Voldemort.  
"How very muggle of you, Voldemort, to bind me with rope and kill me with a knife." She hissed, the blood in her veins at a sudden boil.  
"Here, Severus, you will do the honors I believe. You brought her, you finish her." Severus mask stayed tightly to his face as he accepted the knife from Voldemort's hands. He took a couple feet more rope and tied her to the chair in the center of the cellar.  
"You can kill me, Voldemort, but Harry will kill you and this will only enrage him more." Hermione shouted as Severus tied her.  
"You would do well to shut your mouth, mudblood." Severus hissed to little avail. She continued to spit outbursts at Voldemort. "Start with her mouth, Severus," Voldemort spat back. She cringed a bit as the blade inched towards her left cheek. Severus looked deeply into Hermione's eyes, but she saw no regret or pity; sadly, she saw determination and rage. She was almost happy she couldn't see his own mouth as she imagined a smile to be looking back her. When the blade first traced itself across her skin, she felt faint, feverish and her body rejected the ropes and chair. First light and then with pressure, the blade etched across her cheek bringing little droplets of blood to the surface and along the silver blade.  
  
The poison was cold as ice when it first entered her blood but then life fire as it began to deteriorate her flesh. When he thrust the blade inward, she felt it swim across her teeth and pierce her tong a bit. It ripped her flesh until it reached her mouth, tearing her frown. All the while, from what she could see in Severus's eyes, there was no remorse in his eyes. No solace, no sadness. It seemed as though he was enjoying his charade of power. He started to the right cheek, but suddenly he felt a hand on his motioning it downward. She felt the blade grace across her abdomen and things began to grow darker.  
  
Thoughts of her unborn child were brought immediately to view. She couldn't help but be remorseful and traumatized, but couldn't show Severus or the other Death Eaters that she was afraid of losing her child, the child that didn't exist to any of them. The gash of what remained of her cheek felt suddenly as if a million fleas were jumping about feasting on her blood. She couldn't stand the pain anymore and the tears she had been trying so hard to will away came in floods. When the blade cut across her abdomen, she felt a sudden urge to save herself. Before it seemed as though there was no choice, submit and die. Now, she felt a renewed sense of courage and pride and she wanted nothing more than to escape her current hell.  
  
With all of her remaining strength, she kicked a kneeling Severus in the chin, making the blade delve a little deeper into her stomach. He let go of the blade quickly as he fell backwards. Her restraints proved to be less than effective as it only took her seconds to shake them off. Her next task was to acquire a wand and get away from the cellar. As she tried to gather Severus's wand, she felt his hand grasp her wrist and pull her towards him. It looked to Voldemort as if Severus was pushing the knife further into her stomach, but he was really releasing his wand from his robes.  
"Accio wand!" She cried as she saw the wand. She stunned the four other death eaters that had been watching and awaited the death cruse from Voldemort. She paced the floor and tried to see where the door was to escape the area and saw the only door directly behind Voldemort. She watched Severus gain ground and stand to attack her. She stunned him as well, leaving only Voldemort and her awake in the room.  
"Go ahead and kill me, Voldemort, it's why you brought me here." She shouted edging closer to the less than human form.  
"I don't intend to kill you, Ms. Granger. If I can humiliate and destroy you, my job for the day is done. Besides, what I wanted done is done." She felt the blade in her stomach retreat quickly as he beckoned it. "You weren't deserving enough, Ms. Granger, not for him." With that, he stood away from the door and let her leave. The flesh on her face still retreating and the pain in her abdomen growing by thousands. She ran from the cellar as quickly as she could and out the doors on the main floor. She ran from there until she was sure Voldemort wasn't going to cast the killing curse and she was sure she was far enough away. The house seemed miles away as she apparated to the gates of Hogwarts. She had always enjoyed returning to the school, but felt considerably relieved and glad to see her old school this particular time. She felt the flesh retreating exponentially off her face as she turned towards the stairs towards the infirmary. She collapsed finally at the door and remembered nothing after seeing Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore waiting for her. She saw their looks of horror and then sadness and then nothing.  
****End flashback***  
"Don't tell me I lost him." Hermione whispered in panic.  
"He's fine, Hermione." Christopher replied.  
"What, he lived?" Hermione replied, as she gained consciousness.  
"Open your eyes, Hermione, he's right here." She opened her eyes and saw the dark-haired boy of her dreams, only this one was real and not dead.  
"Hand him to me, please." Christopher handed the small bundle to Hermione. The baby was tiny, in fact smaller than she had believed he would be. She studied his face finding traces her herself and Christopher in him. The baby's eyes fluttered to reveal sparking blue-green eyes almost like violets. He also had little dimples, like the child in her dreams.  
"What shall we call him?" Christopher asked, starring at his wife and their hours old child.  
"I always said if I had a boy with dark hair and light eyes, I would name him after Harry. I guess I never really expected to have a child and since I don't like the name Harry, his middle name will be James like Harry's is. I rather like the name Fletcher, but since I chose James, you can decide his first name."  
"I think Fletcher is perfect, Hermione." Christopher took the child from Hermione and sat in the rocking chair in the corner. For an instant, very briefly, she saw Severus sitting in the chair, holding a child that could've been there's. She feigned sleep and wept softly to herself as though she hadn't cried about the loss the first time. 


	5. The Other Story

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books. I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction. Anything you recognize is not mine.  
  
Author notes: Thanks everyone who had reviewed so far.  
  
Chapter 6: The Other Story  
The potions corridor seemed rather cold that April morning as Severus awoke to get ready for the Easter Ball. He had put a warming charm on his house shoes and then walked quietly though the halls to avoid the emptiness of his quarters. His loo had been radically colder than the previous morning when he'd showered and prepared for the morning rounds. He hadn't noticed that it was only five in the morning or that it was a Sunday. He hadn't been really early or really late, rather he was right on time per usual. Everything had seemed to be per usual lately and that frightened the potions master greatly, as he was sure the ball had to drop somewhere. The previous months hadn't been as strenuous as the first couple of the term. Aside from a damning headache and a stubborn cough, he seemed to be in perfect health. He was normal, as normal as Severus Snape could be. Upon entering the infirmary, Severus heard an echoing cough and found Madame Pomfrey sitting on a bed, cloaked.  
"Sorry to intrude, Poppy, I rather hoped to get a list of the stores you needed restocked." Severus stated making sure he didn't sound desperate for company or a diversionary task.  
"No bother, Severus. I made a list out last night before I left for the Hopkins. Seems little Fletcher has pneumonia or palmersons...it's one of those, something muggle with a terrible rash of sorts. Hold on, I'll go and see where I placed it." Madame Pomfrey rose and went to her office to retrieve the list. Somehow, in the early morning memory, he hadn't placed the name Hopkins as quickly as he should.  
"Here it is. I am afraid I have no time to further explain some of it. I have to go back later to make sure Christopher and Hermione are alright."  
"How regrettable." Severus's voice resounded, less sarcastic than sadistic. "Yes, well after losing one child, Hermione is being rather careful with Fletcher, but I hardly blame her." Severus's eyes popped quickly towards Madame Pomfrey in complete surprise.  
"Come again?"  
"During the war, Severus, she lost her child after that attack. I rather thought you of all people would remember that." He brought a crisp hand to his forehead and rubbed his temple. His mouth was left open, in disgust rather than surprise. "Yes, well thank you Poppy, I'll have these ready by tomorrow." Severus turned on his heal and headed back to the dungeons to begin preparations for some of the potions. Had he really been so blind as not to notice his own fiancée's pregnancy? Suddenly he stopped on the stairs recalling the fateful night that had ended her pregnancy and his own participation. He had stabbed Hermione in the abdomen with a poisonous knife, no doubt ending the child's life immediately. He had inevitably killed his own child. His only child. He had fallen to the steps some time during his epiphany and slouched into what could only be described as a ball.  
"Professor, are you alright?" A student asked, passing the melancholy professor.  
"Yes." He mumbled, standing and turning once more towards Albus Dumbledore's office. He desperately needed someone to talk to.  
"Happy Easter, Severus, what brings you to my office on this morning and so early?" Severus collapsed in a chair uncharacteristically and bowed his head.  
"I was in the infirmary this morning." "What ails you then?" Dumbledore asked, peering at Severus through his half- moon spectacles as if to say he already knew.  
"A broken life, I assume. Poppy informed me that Fletcher Hopkins is ill." Severus stated, hiding his true secret beneath an act of casual conversation.  
"Yes, I heard myself this morning from Minerva. Seems Hermione owled her as well. Pity, really, it is one of those illnesses that must run its course." Albus rested his palm on Severus' shoulder and for once Severus didn't pull away or sneer. He felt secure.  
"I loved her, Albus." Severus admitted.  
"Yes, I expected as much. Unfortunate how events occurred, however."  
"It took me along time to admit that to myself, that I loved her I mean. It took longer for me to open up to her. She was so patient and spirited. She would purposely leave her books in my lab so she would have an excuse to return later that night or the next eve. Eventually I suspected what she was doing and left her a note letting her know that she needn't have an excuse to come to lab. We were quick friends thereafter, as hard as it may be to believe. I first knew I loved her when she left for summer holidays with Potter. I was without her presence for two and a half excruciating months." He paused and began again.  
  
"When she returned, she was more determined than ever to make a more reliable wolfsbane. I was ready to make her my wife. I asked her to marry me on at the Weasley wedding that second year together. She was surprised and happy, not depressed and unaccepting as i had expected. She wanted to start planning straight away, but the dark lord was growing stronger and less secretive. One evening in early March, she followed me to a death eater meeting and the Dark Lord acquired her. He had newly learned some important news and was adamant to have her killed. His task for me was to torture her slowly and leave her to die painfully, though though he later admitted he had had no intent to kill her. When i was hurting her Albus, all i could think of was anger and disappointment in myself. I couldn't spare her. She amazed me with strength and hardly cried at all until the knife had found a home in her abdomen. When i finally returned to the castle, she refused to see me. I had no idea there was more to the story than her hatred of my duties. While she slept one night, I crept into the infirmary just to watch her sleep. She had no face, Albus. She had no smile or frown or anything. All I saw were bandages and blood. I stared at her for hours wondering how long her recovery would be and if she would want to reschedule the wedding or cancel it for all i knew. She reached for my hand sometime and opened her eyes to meet mine. I know she recognized me, Albus, because she called to me. She cried for a while and then stopped suddenly as if she could cry no more and dropped my hand. I assume that was her way of saying goodbye. Inside, I was dying but I wanted to make her see my strength. I had no idea she was crying for more than a disfigured face and some rather uncalled for situation." Severus could not continue, his own eyes felt as though they might form tears, though they didn't. Dumbledore sat down across from his and studied his face. He knew Severus was not the type to divulge such important or personal information. "Had you any idea about the child, Albus?"  
"Not until she left the infirmary. I happened to be waiting for some headache relief and Poppy explained to her about some unfortunate side effects of the poison and the chances of her conceiving another child. I put two and two together and realized she must have been with child."  
"She blamed me, Albus, and I've never felt so guilty before in my life."  
"You cannot erase the past or your transgressions, Severus. There is only the future and the possibilities of a lifetime." "I never thought i wanted children. Even then, I probably would've been terrified of a child, yet I know that i would've loved it." Severus said, surprised at his own admission. It was so unlike him to feel such strong emotions; even more unusual was his admission of said emotions.  
"There is little i can tell you except that it was a boy and she named him Julius. I happened upon her one-day in the Forbidden Forest and saw that she had planted a splendid white Oak for him. She bewitched the flowers to grow wild and yearly around it."  
"Thank you, Albus."  
  
Severus left Dumbeldore's office quickly, his mind racing between his duties and his determination to put on a front of snarly potions professor. He opened his door and sat quickly on his black couch and thought. His brain seemed drained from the day's events, yet full of questions and theories. He noticed a stack of mail on his desk and also a small package. The package was from his mother who always sent him an Easter present. The mail on the other hand was useless junk mail, not worth his time. He through the mail into his fire and brewed some tea. The potions he was going to make wouldn't take long and hardly needed his attention as much as his brain did or his sanity for that matter. Once he was sure the staff room was empty, he pilfered through some of the maps of the Forbidden Forest and snatched one with the intent to find a single, uncommon white Oak. Once he had the map, he fetched his thickest and darkest cloak and set out towards the forest in search of his child.  
The snow was deep and untouched as Severus headed for the forest. He was a stark contrast to the white pureness of the snow as he was cloaked in black and held a heart of remorse. The woods became thick and full as he traveled deeper and deeper into the forest. He heard owls and other birds, sometimes the sounds of hooves and howls, but he was determined and unafraid He studied his map, but quickly realized that it was useless, as it didn't say where Hermione had planted the tree or where a child might be buried. Eventually, he came upon an area that was devoid of snow or foliation. It was circular in shape and green as the greenest grass in England. A single tree was in the center; white with dark black circles all over it's body. He had never seen a White Oak before in person, so he imagined that it had to be one. At the base of the tree were thousands of wildflowers in a rainbow of colors that were fragrant and alive. He walked closer to the tree and read a small inscription that seemed to be growing with the tree as some letters were larger than others. It read:  
Julius Orin Snape  
March 5, 2001  
Rest In Peace, My Beloved Son  
  
She had remembered Severus's middle name, which he had only mentioned once or twice in their entire acquaintance. A child she had kept from him bore his middle and last name. It was all so consuming and deteriorating to his mind. She had been angry with him and had refused to see him, yet she still named their child after him. "You are my son as well." Severus said pushing some of the wildflowers from the inscription. He pointed his wand towards it and changed the 'my' to 'our'. He remained at the tree for hours not immediately worried about the other professors noticing his absence from the day's festivities or from the staff meeting. He was too consumed with the idea of his child and his once fiancée. The longer he sat at the tree, the more he wondered of the protective spells she had on it and if there were any he could place on the tree. He tried to cut the tree and failed. He tried to pull leaves and flowers from the tree and failed. He tried to burn the tree and failed. She had placed the most protective spells she could on the tree and somehow that made Severus feel for her even more knowing that she had done this in a time of great distress.  
  
And in that instant, Severus had never felt more alone. In his life he had loved but three people, His father, Albus Dumbledore, and Hermione and knowing that his love for them was real, he sometimes doubted it was reciprocated. He bowed down towards the little tree, the little child who was less vulnerable than he was at that moment, and wiped away a single tear. He truly didn't know where the tear had come from or which emotion had felt it, regardless, it was gone and with that he left the forest. Before he left, he released the protection spell that made it impossible for him to cut the wildflowers and he took a bit, for potions.  
  
The Easter Ball was uneventful. Severus had donned his infamous black dress robes and sat at the high table in quiet desperation. He hadn't anticipated the day's events and therefore was less than social or forgiving. He remained at the high table for the duration of the night, sipping his Firewhiskey and watching the students pretend to be dancing, as if they knew what real dancing could be. He wiped his face gingerly with his lap cloth and tried to appear to be enjoying the event, though he wasn't. He rather expected the crowd not to notice him at all.  
"What poison tonight, Severus?" Remus Lupin asked taking a break from dancing with the students and faculty.  
"What else would it be on a night such as this?" Severus replied, hoping he sounded as poisonous as the drink as to scare the werewolf away.  
"When I was dancing with Miss Irwin, she said you looked rather lonely up here, wanted to know if you danced with students." Remus chuckled and patted Severus lightly on the shoulder. He himself had been worried about Severus as well, sitting alone looking even more brooding than ever.  
"These parties never amuse me, Remus, you should know that by now. Besides, there are other things I could be doing except Dumbledore demands we show face and socialize with the heathens."  
"You could do with some dancing and lively music, Severus." Remus heaved Severus arm from it's spot, causing him to stand and then trust him towards Professor Sinistra. In moments, Severus was dancing with a rather unpleasant look on his face. The raven-haired dance partners were the only people dancing a ballroom style while everyone else stayed contemporary and informal. He remained on the dance floor with Sinistra for three dances and then walked her back to the table and thanked her for the dances. He then left the infernal ball and went to his lab to gather his potions to restore Madame Pomfrey's stock. It was after twelve when he finally made it to the infirmary with his potions and antidotes. The room looked rather still, yet he could hear the murmur of tiny breaths and noticed a crib in the far corner of the room.  
  
He retreated to his task and thought nothing more of the child until he began to hear loud cries coming from it. He wondered in that moment where Pomfrey had got off to and why she wasn't in the infirmary but still went to the crib side and starred down at the child. Babies had always frightened him; they were too fragile and small. When he had first held his own nephews, it was awkward and uncomfortable, as they seemed to just roll about however they pleased. In a sudden wave of instinct, he scooped the infant in his arms and hushed it's cries. He wondered what the staff would think if they could see him then, cradling a small child in his arms and shooing it's cries. The moonlight paraded about the room as snowflakes and Severus felt oddly more comfortable than he had been in weeks as he sat in the rocking chair beside the crib.  
  
The child's face was colorless and pale, it's eyes fluttering open every once in a while to reveal something like violet in the color, and it's cries were finally starting to subside. There was a red rash over most of it's skin and tiny bumps that seemed to be itching the babe. Severus took the child with him to the storeroom and gathered a small amount of lavender and calamine and lathered the child from head to foot. The smell reminded him of his own bout with what looked like Chicken pox, and how he had hated his mother for not letting him have the salve as she claimed Chicken pox was a punishment for his insolence. He returned the child to the main room and smoothed it's chestnut hair from it's face. As he laid the child in the crib, he placed some of the wildflowers he had taken from Julius' tree and also a sprig of lavender for love and luck. As much as he detested children, death was something he detested more and hoped somehow that the two special plants and the salve would aide the child in recovery. With that, he left the infirmary in great speed. Upon entering his quarters, Severus saw a little note on his desk. It was from Remus.  
'Severus,  
We need to go over the plans for the conference with the  
Ministry. Just let me know when you are available. Hope the ball and  
festivities didn't depress you further. Life carries on, mate.  
Yours, etc. RJL  
  
Severus folded the letter over and dumped it in the fire. Tomorrow he would write a letter in better taste and send him his views. Tonight, however, Severus wanted nothing more than to sleep on his fine bed and forget everything he could before the next day. 


	6. Some truths

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books. I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction. Anything you recognize is not mine.  
  
Author notes: thank you Bansidh for your great review!!! It made my day yesterday. I am glad to know that someone is enjoying my fic.  
  
Chapter 7: Some Truths  
"Hermione, Poppy wants to see us in the infirmary as quickly as possible." Christopher yelled from the bathroom of their guest quarters. He brushed his teeth frantically and helped his emotionally drained wife get ready to meet any problems with Fletcher. Hermione couldn't cry anymore for her son. It had been nothing but colds and fevers since his birth and she wondered if it would ever change. To make matters worse she and Christopher been fighting almost constantly about Fletcher's care and which doctors to see. When they weren't fighting, they didn't speak, which to Hermione was a welcome interlude to the fighting. She no longer looked towards her husband and thought of his qualities, she looked towards him and thought about their differences. As they raced towards the infirmary, Hermione traced the scar on her cheek and worried she was losing another child.  
"You won't believe it, no fever, no rash. He is completely cured." Madame Pomfrey bellowed as Hermione and Christopher entered the infirmary.  
"What? You can't be serious!" Christopher demanded, running to the crib.  
"Feel him, his temperature is completely normal. His rash has completely gone away." Madame Pomfrey stated as Christopher held Fletcher in his arms, checking for any abnormalities.  
"There's nothing." Christopher yelled. Hermione took her son from her husband's arms and held him tight to her. As she did, she smelled a strong sense of lavender along his entire body and something like calamine as well. She held him tight to her own body and kissed his soft hair.  
"Poppy, did you put any lavender or calamine oil on him?" Hermione asked handing the child back to her husband. "No, I haven't done anything since yesterday evening." Madame Pomfrey replied. Hermione let out a frustrated breath and began to gather Fletcher's things to be burned for decontamination. As she did, a bunch of wildflowers and a sprig of lavender fell from the blankets. At once, she recognized the flowers and asked Christopher to go ahead and pack their belongings that she was going to take Fletcher on an outing. She bundled him in great layers and headed towards the forest.  
"This is your brother's tree, Fletcher. His name is Julius." She held Fletcher tight against her chest and stared at the tree. Someone had cleared the area a bit and taken a small handful of flowers, though she knew no one else knew of the tree besides Dumbledore. And she believed she still had protection spells against anyone taking flowers or leaves...  
"Your father really loves you Fletcher, but I think something is going to change soon that could make it where we don't see him as often. He's not a positive influence in our lives anymore." She stood and closed her eyes to take in the brisk air. Fletcher still smelled of lavender and calamine, which she assumed meant he'd had Chicken Pox and not pneumonia. Whoever had managed to discover this was in her highest regard, if only she could figure the person out. Before leaving, she traced her fingers across the inscription she'd placed on the tree fours years ago. She stopped when she reached the our and fell, Fletcher tight in her arms, to the ground. At first she thought she'd simply misread the word and then it suddenly dawned on her; Severus knew.  
She returned to the castle in great speed, her mind now having answered the question of whom had saved Fletcher but still full of questions on how he had discovered Julius. How long had he known? Why hadn't he said anything to her or was she right all along that is wouldn't have mattered anyway; Severus could never love a child. "Enter." She heard Severus mutter from his office.  
"Professor, I just wanted to thank you." Hermione said as she opened the door and faced him. Immediately, she saw more of the wildflowers pressed beneath the surface of his glass hood on his desk. "For what, Mrs. Hopkins?" Severus replied in a bark. He closed the book he was writing in and sneered towards her. "For the lavender and calamine. The fever broke and the rash is gone, thanks to you." "It could've been anything, Mrs. Hopkins. Poppy was giving him a potion that..." "You brewed, Severus. Please accept my thanks and also my apologies." He stood, arms folded across his chest and stared at the young mother holding her tiny child. She looked enchanting holding the infant, but he folded that thought in his mind and dumped it in the dustbin to be forgotten. "Apologies?" He inquired, yet knew exactly what she might say. He knew she would've found the wildflowers in the child's blankets and known where to find them. He knew she would go into the forest and see the new inscription and discover that he had uncovered her secret. Hermione twitched uncomfortably in his doorway, but then turned to close his door, not wanting all of Hogwarts to hear her confession. "I owe you more than an apology, Severus, I owe you four years of explanations. I just don't have it in me to give them all today. I went to Julius's tree today because I knew these were his flowers and I had to know who might've cut them or who would've known to cut them. I saw that you changed his inscription and I had to see you. How long have you known and why didn't you tell me. I guess I really can't expect you to feel the same way I do about him, but I guess I just expected you to want to know the story." She sat down on his couch softly and placed Fletcher in the bassinet she had transfigured from a cushion. Her eyes followed Severus from his standing position to his red chair across from her. "I only found out yesterday, Mrs. Hopkins, and considering everything that has been going on with Fletcher, I didn't want to bombard you with questions. Yes, you are right, I did put the lavender and calamine on Fletcher, but I assure you I had no idea it was him. And as for the statement you made about your feelings for Julius, I can assure you that I feel many things, one being great loss and the other being great spirit." He folded his hands in his lap and tried to appear to be the snarky potions master he had always been, but somehow in that moment, he wanted nothing more than to hold the only other person who could understand his loss. "Oh, Severus, I thought you could never love him as I did because of your adamant dislike for children and I kept him a secret because I thought it wouldn't matter. It was one more thing that would make you turn away from me." He looked towards her in shock; did she really believe he would've loved her less if she had told him of Julius? "When did you learn you were pregnant?" He asked. "Before the Wood wedding. When I met you there that night and we reconciled, I was afraid it would make you leave me again so I kept him a secret." She replied. Suddenly, as if he had always known, he thought back to that night and was astonished that he hadn't seen the glow on her face for what it really was. "You knew then and didn't tell me? Well, I have no doubt I would've been surprised and probably distant, but it wouldn't have changed that way I felt, at all. I know we decided that we were never going to have children, but I would've raised him and loved him because he was ours, Hermione." Severus felt awkward in divulging such personal beliefs and feelings. He reached for her hand sometime during their talk and held it tightly. He cared not that she was married or that her infant child was sitting but two feet away from them. "I am sorry, then, Severus, that I never told you. I hope that someday you can forgive me for all of this." "I am sorry that I made you feel as though you couldn't tell of the child. It was never my wish to hurt you in that way." He stroked her hand with his and averted his eyes towards a wall of books. Had he nothing in the room but books? "Christopher will be wondering where I've been. Thank you for everything, Severus." Hermione whispered, leaning towards him and brushing her lips lightly over his. His brain simply refused to function after the kiss, instead be watched Hermione move from his side to collect Fletcher and leave his rooms once more. When she gathered Fletcher and changed his bassinet back into a cushion, she walked towards his door. "Goodday." He replied, but as she walked from his room, he noticed a bruise at the base of her neck that seemed odd. "How did that happen?" He asked, moving her hair from her neck. "I was lifting the boxes of dishes from our old house and a couple fell back at me, we're moving to Hogsmeade." She replied. "You were never a good liar, Hermione." "It will be over soon." With that she left Severus in his office to stare at an open doorway and wonder suddenly why he was jealous of her husband and how he was going to make sure no bruises ever appeared on her body because of said husband. 


	7. Testing

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books. I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction. Anything you recognize is not mine.  
  
Author notes: Thanks everyone who had reviewed so far.  
  
Chapter 8: Testing  
The ministry wasted no time in preparing for the test cases of the new Wolfsbane, which still didn't have a proper name. Severus received paper work regarding the beginning of the test cases within months which seemed speedy considering it normally took the ministry years to begin testing new potions. Remus Lupin and other well known werewolves would be testing the potion and living within the ministry for a period of six months to be monitored on a daily basis. After a meeting with Remus regarding the conference they would be having about the potion, Severus helped him pack up a bit of his belongings, as he was moving.  
  
"You are sure taking a lot of useless material, Lupin." Severus barked, moving the boxes of old letters aside. He peered through them wondering why in the world anyone kept that many old letters. As he pilfered, he noticed a couple from Hermione. It hadn't usually been in his nature to snoop, but who was he really kidding he had been a spy, his entire life had been to snoop. He tucked the letters away in his robes and hoped the gods would forgive his curiosity.  
  
"I am going to be in the ministry for six months, I need every possible diversionary option as possible. Besides, I don't want to hear any complaints, I helped you organize your storage." Severus threw him a sneer and a scowl. He wondered how the two immediate enemies had managed to become acquaintances over the past years. Remus had a lighter side that made him seem so much younger and as if he were living the life of a king, yet he was still without great means.  
  
"Where did you get all these pictures?" Severus asked going through pictures from their school days to the present. He saw pictures that made him relive moments he'd once forgotten so easily. Seeing Lily Evans and Monica Sinistra by the lake in seventh year made him think of his once crush on the redheaded Lily. It seemed ages ago.  
  
"It's a hobby I guess. I like being able to remember as much as possible." Severus suddenly felt a bit sorry for the man knowing that werewolves often lost many memories every time they transformed into their wolf form. He searched through the pictures trying to find the ones Remus had put on his list. He found two of Lily and James with a baby Harry and also one with Sirius Black. He found the one of Remus and Hagrid during his teachings while the dream team was in their third year. Searching through them, he found one of a lady he didn't recognize, but assumed she was the Eva Turner on Remus's list. He came upon several of weddings Remus had attended and then one that made Severus's face drop. It was Hermione and Christopher's wedding. She looked happy, though with dark circles about her eyes and no weight on her bones she seemed sad. Christopher couldn't take his eyes off of Hermione as she waved towards Remus taking the picture. Her scar hadn't healed much, though it didn't seem to matter as she waved and then kissed her new husband.  
  
"That was the only time she smiled at that wedding. I half believed her to run from the church when they were pronounced man and wife. They left the reception only an hour into it and she cried the whole way out of the building." Remus said, staring at the man across from him whom he knew had loved Hermione.  
  
"Well at least she found someone to spend her life with."  
  
"Is it worth it without love and devotion? I would rather remain single and alone for the rest of my life than to marry someone to escape my problems. But, I guess things are different for everyone." Remus stated, packing the rest of his clothes from his cabinets and throwing Severus another folder to put pictures in.  
  
"I've found most of them, but I can't find the one with you and Black at the leaving feast when we graduated." Severus replied, completely ignoring Remus's comments about Hermione and her marriage.  
  
"Oh, that's on my night stand." Remus pointed towards his room. Severus let out a slight huff and headed towards his room slightly afraid of what he might find there. As he found the picture, he stared at it wildly. Remus and Black were waving towards him and then suddenly turned at each other with a look of complete adoration and affection. Severus had always wondered how far their relationship had gone, but simply had never inquired especially since Sirius's death.  
  
"He was such a rogue." Remus stated as Severus returned with the picture to the main room.  
  
"Yes, I definitely agree with you there." With his bags packed and his affairs in place, Remus stared around his flat and sighed. He knew that going through with the testing and research would give him a ticket to freedom, but leaving the home that had once harbored such love was going to hurt him.  
  
"Have you extinguished the candles?" Severus asked as he looked towards the other bedrooms and loo. He left Remus in the room in solitude to say goodbye as he knew that Remus was saying goodbye to more than his home. As he extinguished the lights, he heard a bit of ruckus in the main room and headed back out to make sure Remus was fairing well.  
  
"What happened, Hermione?" He heard Remus ask returning to the room. He saw Hermione turn quickly to face him, her infant in her arms and her face wet with blood and tears.  
  
"He went crazy, Remus. I told him that we needed some time to calm down and learn to communicate again like we once did and he just started yelling about infidelity. I promised him that I wasn't running to anyone else and that I just needed a break to learn to like him again." She collapsed on his couch and put Fletcher on the couch next to her, stroking his now lighter hair, it was almost red in tint.  
  
"How did you bring up the break?" Remus asked, taking a seat next to her and putting his hand in hers.  
  
"We were eating breakfast, I was feeding Fletcher and Christopher was eating some scones. He complained that we didn't have any more marmalade so I told him I would go into Hogsmeade later that day to buy some groceries after I finished a report on a new potion we've been testing that reverses the effects of blindness in infants. It's rather complicated and of course controversial and I am getting off the subject. He complained that work was always coming before our personal lives and especially Fletcher." She paused breathlessly and began again.  
  
" I explained to him that this potion was to help Fletcher and that he knew before we married or had a child that work was important in my life, if not the most important thing. Fletcher had been with me all week at the office so I could study him and see how he reacted to certain stimuli. Christopher said he wouldn't have a son who was a guinea pig and that's when I said I needed a break. And then he said he needed time to cool off and I said I needed more than just time. From there I went to my office to work. I never heard him come in; it was as if he was spying on me. He asked me if I'd started seeing someone at the ministry. I of course refused. Then he asked if was seeing anyone at all. I said no and there was this look on his face, in his eyes, it was as if he hunting me. He started to shake me. That is how I got these bruises on my arms. I tried to fight him but he was so ravenous and determined, I screamed as loud as I could, but I knew no one would come. I couldn't get away." She then revealed the worst of her beating, deep red nail marks traveling from her knees towards her thighs. Remus gasped and brought his hand to his throat, somehow knowing what had happened.  
  
"He wouldn't stop, I cried and cried, but he wouldn't stop. I grabbed my wand and stunned him when he turned his back to me to go after Fletcher. He fell on the carpet naked and then Fletcher's cries brought me back to reality, I fixed my robes then ran." Remus embraced her tightly, but she looked past him to see Severus's face in his hands. He had never felt so useless and angry in his life. He just watched them, Remus and Hermione on the faded brown couch, knowing he couldn't help.  
  
"We need to go to the ministry to report this, Hermione." Remus whispered removing the stray hairs from her worn face. Fletcher began crying once more, but Hermione hadn't the strength to comfort him any longer.  
  
"I will call on Molly Weasley to see if she can watch Fletcher for a while." Severus stated going to the fire to call on the Weasley's.  
  
"Remus, he was so angry. I didn't know where else to go, I am so sorry I've put you in this place." Her voice cracked a few times and her head hung low as she spoke. If anyone had looked from her school years to that moment, they wouldn't believe the same person could look so forlorn.  
  
"You are always welcome in my home, Hermione."  
  
"I don't want to ruin his life, but I can't be his wife anymore. I tried so hard to love him, I really did, but he didn't exactly make it easy." She paused and showed Remus the bruise still evident on her neck. "Severus discovered this bruise a couple weeks ago and I told him then I couldn't last much longer in that marriage or home. How can someone who supposedly loves you do something like this, Remus?" He eyed her curiously at her reference to Severus.  
  
"He obviously doesn't truly love you, dear, or he wouldn't do these things. Did he know about your relationship with Severus and all that history?"  
  
"No, not entirely. When we started dating a little more seriously, I explained to him that I had just gotten out of a serious relationship and was still in love with the person. There were so many things I didn't tell him, anyone for that matter, and I knew if I did he'd just leave me. There's no way he knew about most of it when Severus didn't know most of it." She replied, noticing the sense of curiosity in Remus's eyes. She blew her nose curtly into a handkerchief as Severus walked somberly back into the room.  
  
"Molly would be pleased to keep him today. She will be arriving shortly to collect him." Hermione thanked Severus and kept his eyes with hers. She turned abruptly from his when she noticed an intense look of anger parading about the edges. She wondered if he was angry with her with Christopher, sometimes it was rather hard to read Severus's eyes.  
" What did you tell her about all of this?" Hermione asked, standing to meet Severus's gaze.  
  
"What was needed. Domestic violence, you were all right, had to fill out a report...nothing more than that. What did you think I told her?" Severus asked, poison in his voice at her obvious accusation of distrust.  
  
"I just wanted to make sure she understood the situation before I went to Arthur and explained everything to him. I trusted you to say the right thing Severus, thank you for doing so." Remus eyed to two people, wondering why there was such an air of discomforting emotions. Hermione had always been the type to wear her emotions on her face, but recently he had noticed her becoming harder. He wished he had paid closer attention her to emotions, noticing now that she was obviously still in love with her ex- fiancée. Molly arrived shortly after the three exited the room separately. Hermione thanked her several times for watching the baby and then watched her take her son with her through the floo. She was afraid of losing him, though knew Christopher would never be able to get to him at the Burrow. Remus, Severus, and Hermione apparated to the ministry.  
  
"Officer Stubbens, please give us a little recap on what Mrs. Hopkins had stated." Arthur Weasley asked, having a hard time listening to the events.  
  
"Hermione Hopkins states that physical abuse has been occurring periodically over a two-year period while in marriage to Christopher Hopkins. The worst case being today, May 25th, in which she states that she was savagely raped and beaten. She has filed a plea for the disillusionment of her marriage on the grounds of abuse and neglect. She has been checked by healers and also has the report from the hospital stating the severity of her wounds and scaring. "Officer Stubbens looked over the report once more time, leaving out extreme detail to spare the two men who had accompanied her. Remus and Severus eyed the document as Hermione signed it and wondered what had happened that they didn't know about.  
  
"If Mr. Hopkins is found guilty of charges and offences, the marriage will immediately dissolved and the custody of Fletcher James Hopkins will solely be yours. You will be notified when Mr. Hopkins is questioned and the outcome of the findings."  
  
"Thank you, officer. Hermione, dear, please understand that I will do everything in my power to make sure justice is served. With the hospital findings and also with you personal statement, you shouldn't worry about Christopher affecting you any longer. I just wish you had come to me sooner." Arthur Weasley added after Officer Stubbens left the room. Remus and Severus looked on, as Hermione seemed to have some courage restored.  
  
"I couldn't stand to do it all alone again. It was rather foolish of me, I realize." She hugged Arthur and thanked him for his help. All the while, Severus stared at her, wondering if her comment had been directed at him.  
  
"My testing begins today, Hermione, but you are more than welcome to stay at my flat."  
  
"I don't want to be alone." She replied, wrapping her arms tightly about her body.  
  
"Then I offer my home to you, Mrs. Hopkins. I realize the company may not be that much better than being alone, but it's warm and familiar." Severus said, hoping he could make up for her discomfort with him. His eyes pleaded with hers to accept his offer, as he hadn't really been able to talk with her since they had last spoken.  
  
"That would be nice. Thank you." She hugged Remus tightly and thanked him profusely for helping her during the day. It was as if Remus was her only good friend left. Harry was always busy saving something and Ron was always busy making more Weasley's. Neither of them ever had any time to discuss anything more important than their own lives, so she learned to find comfort in other places. One being Minerva McGonagall, who had helped her greatly when she had first left Hogwarts. The other two being Severus Snape when she had been his assistant for a period and her soon to be ex-husband Christopher Hopkins. Christopher had saved her from depression she couldn't remember any longer and had also shown her that sometimes you could find love again, though she was glad she had never really formed a very strong attachment to him. Fletcher would forever be her only tie to Christopher Hopkins.  
  
"I am sorry I put you in this position, Severus, it means quite a lot that you are allowing Fletcher and I to stay at your home." Hermione said as they walked a bit from the Ministry.  
  
"There is no excuse for his behavior and I am glad to offer any condolence I can." It wasn't poetry, it wasn't an admission of love, but to Hermione, his words were exactly what she needed at the time.  
  
"Thank you." She lost her balance as she spoke the words and he was forced to catch her before she fell onto the cobblestone. "Sorry, I must be tired."  
  
"I believe I will gather Fletcher as you seem at the least indisposed. You need time to gather your thoughts as well." Her face shot up towards his at his proposition. Though laced with insult about her mental state, he was actually offering to apparate to the Weasleys to bring to her a child that wasn't his. Then she thought it was probably because it wasn't his child.  
  
"That would be a great help." She replied, her voice empty of the once elation and now filled with the same depression and anger of the morning. Her eyes darted from her hands to her feet, not wanting to look into Severus's eyes, knowing she wouldn't find what she needed in them. With a great release of breath and a stifled cry, she walked away from Severus and apparated to his home, alone, as she had left it four years prior 


	8. Back at Home

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books. I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction. Anything you recognize is not mine.  
  
Author notes: Thanks everyone who had reviewed so far.  
  
Chapter 9: Back At Home  
After she had apparated to Fiddaqua, Severus's home, she walked about the place recalling that not much had changed. Some of the wallpaper was faded and the carpets dingy, but overall the home seemed immaculate. She walked up the large steps and absentmindedly headed towards the rooms she had once shared with Severus. The green rooms they were called because of the drastic use of green throughout them. She highly doubted she would be staying in these rooms, so she headed to the red rooms from there knowing he would probably have her stay in them. There was a small nursery where she assumed he had been raised in as a child; she found it hard to imagine Severus as a child.  
  
A slight breeze brought her thoughts back to her torn robes and matted hair. She wondered if Severus kept any extra robes about for guest use, but thought otherwise since he rarely had company. She ravaged his rooms for any clothing and found one robe, one pair of silk boxers, and one white undershirt which she hoped would satisfy her abnormal sized breasts that still hadn't shrunk from the birth. As soon as she had found the necessities, she went back to the West wing where the red rooms were and started a bath. It was obvious that no one had used the bath in quite a time because there was a funny color and smell to the water as she turned it on. It had a yellow tint and smelled faintly like belladonna. She hoped that whomever had lived in the rooms hadn't poisoned themselves with the plant.  
  
Before stepping in the water, she disrobed and stared at herself in the mirror. She wasn't vain or arrogant, she was simply in awe that someone could do the things Christopher had to a person. The scar on her face actually looked at home with the rest of her body. The scar on her stomach hadn't been revealed for years. Every once in a while, she forgot it was there because she had to look at the one on her face almost daily, the one across her abdomen seemed so ghastly. It was jagged and on the whole very offensive. After cleaning her face with a rag, she stepped into the water and soaked. It had been years since she'd bothered with a real bath and although the bath was relaxing, it did nothing for her mind. She couldn't stop thinking and analyzing the day into pieces. She wondered if she had been so awful to Christopher that it made him crazy like that or if he loved her or Fletcher at all. She soaked for a while before she finally gave up and dried off. Baths simply weren't her way to relax, she needed a good book and some Earl Grey.  
  
After transfiguring Severus's clothes into suitable sized woman's attire, she headed to the kitchen to scope for tea and cakes. She knew the library would be stocked with books she hadn't heard of or seen in normal circumstance. After brewing some tea and devouring some raspberry cakes, she sat at a chair in the den to sip her tea and settle her mind. She must have been more tired than she had first assessed because she soon spilled her tea on the carpet and fell asleep in a ball.  
"Hermione! Hermione! Where have you gotten off to?" She heard from the rear entrance of the house.  
"I'm in the den." She called out into darkness. The house had never seemed so lonely until that second she awoke, alone in the den with nothing but a notebook and a quill. She waited for Severus to enter the room with her son, though at the same time wanted nothing more than the solitude of that empty room.  
"I see you found some clothes." Severus said entering the room, Fletcher wrapped in blankets, a bundle in his arms. "And for future reference, raspberry jam goes on the bread and not on your face and tea down your throat and not on my carpet." He cast a spell to clean the carpet and then handed the baby to Hermione who had never felt so ashamed and alone.  
"I'm so sorry." She whispered, knowing that Severus hated messiness in his house. She wiped her face with the sleeve of her robe and then her eyes. Sometimes she wondered why the little things made her cry the most. It wasn't his accusations really, merely the fact that he had noticed the raspberry pastry on her face and the spilled tea on the floor before asking her how she felt or if she had enjoyed her time alone. She couldn't bear to look into his eyes at that moment. Fletcher seemed content to stare into his mother's eyes, even if they were sad, and coo softly to himself in his blankets.  
"Molly sends her well wishes, though she was worried you would be staying here. I will have Trixie prepare the red rooms for your stay." He said, the malice gone from his voice.  
"I've taken care of it already."  
"Oh, well, good then. If you don't mind, I am going to retire for the evening." He didn't wait for a response while billowing out of the den and into the hall.  
"Thank you, again." She spoke softly kissing her son's head. She watched Severus turn from the kitchens and head towards the stairs. Instantly she felt as though she should've stayed at Remus's house instead of Severus's. It would have been lonely, granted, but she wouldn't feel the turmoil or angst she was feeling then.  
After changing Fletchers nappy and clothes into something warmer, she relaxed in the sitting room to work on reports. It felt strangely relaxing to be in the rooms once more. She'd always felt odd and out of place in her own home with Christopher and Severus's had always felt comfortable and inviting. Once she finished the bulk of her reports, she amassed the papers into a single pile amazed that she had finally finished some work.  
  
Fletcher cried out sometime during her intoxicating moment and her world was brought back into her reality. She figured he was hungry so she walked to the kitchen with him in a mock backpack and found the formula she was storing in the icebox. She warmed it slightly with her wand and searched the room for a chair more comfortable than a slab of wood. She found one with padding and then transfigured it to rock like a rocking chair and then bounded on it Indian style, her child against her chest. It was moments as those that made Hermione cherish her son. He always gazed into her eyes with hope; it was as if it never mattered to him if his mother was the Queen or a pauper, he was simply glad to know she was there. Yet she knew he couldn't actually see her and that made her heart sore with guilt. His hair seemed ever changing from a chestnut brown to a rusty golden brown, which amused her because her father's had been the same way.  
  
Before she realized he was even in the room, Severus was behind her watching the scene with curiosity. He had been watching her from the doorway for twenty minutes and felt that he should at least say goodnight properly to a woman who had lost so much in one day. He wondered how she could profess not to be motherly or have instincts that mothers have to raise and love a child. To him, he had never seen her more beautiful and selfless; her hair in a mess, in robes that were too large in his kitchen. He offered his hand on her should as a peace sign, feeling a little in error for the unfortunate way he had arrived home with Fletcher. Hermione had never been overly affectionate, she had never been one for displays of affection aside from private quarters, but he felt she might need someone, anyone to comfort her.  
  
She took the almost empty bottle from Fletchers mouth and rubbed his back smoothly as she lay him across her body. Severus watched in awe wondering if she even knew he was there in the room at all. He heard a slight rumble from the infant and with that moved his hand from Hermione's shoulder to the little one's head. He smoothed the hair on his head and then took a step back from the two. It wasn't in his nature to show affection either and it wasn't as if he felt certain affections for Fletcher, it was that he was Hermione's son.  
"You have been so kind to let us stay here tonight, Severus."  
"I only hope it had been comforting and not unsettling, that, after all, is not my intention."  
"It has been everything I've needed. I only hope we haven't been a burden." Hermione stood to face him, Fletcher asleep peacefully in her arms. Severus couldn't help but feel saddened as he saw that she must've been crying.  
"No burden. In fact it's been nice having someone else in the house making noise. I often can't stay here for long periods because of the solitude."  
"Perhaps that is because of the students."  
"Yes, rather astute observation." Severus tried to mask his own emotions while looking at her in the kitchens like they'd done several times before. This time she wasn't up late for a snack or for a drink, she was feeding her son whom she'd had after leaving his house. He moved to the liquor cabinet and took out the Canterbury wine he had saved from Christmas and poured a glass. "Care for a glass?" He asked, remembering that she once enjoyed the wine.  
"Perhaps another time, I am afraid consuming alcohol tonight would only turn me into a horrid beast no one could suffer tomorrow, but thank you all the same." She walked past him, her shoulders low and her head lower. He had never seen the woman more dejected and alone.  
Fletcher remained asleep as she walked or rather paced the length of the nursery. She had been feeling rigid, unwelcome feelings since being reintroduced to Severus Snape in September. She was happy to have received the opportunity to be involved with the research she had once been part of but felt rather torn in knowing that she inevitably fell into the same mind state she'd been in before. Not that she had ever really stopped loving Severus, it had been dormant in her being since she'd left him.  
  
Every time she thought about the night she had left him, she wondered if she had decided to stay whether they would've been able to work things out. Then she remembered she would've had to talk about the abduction and also Julius before she was ready. It wasn't as if s true rekindling had happened. Severus had merely offered his home to a woman and child in need of solitude and comfort. It wasn't as if he'd said," Hermione, glad you've ditched your husband, why don't you come by my house for a good shag and then maybe you can become my mistress." She would have probably fainted if a sentence as that had ever left his lips. She feared it was obvious that she still loved him after all she had kissed him in his office while still very much attached to her husband, at least contractually.  
  
At one in the morning, Hermione headed back to the kitchens to obtain another bottle. It would be another hour or so before Fletcher would wake for his late night feeding. If he hadn't cried by four a.m. he normally slept the night through. Having learned and memorized these things about her child made her believe she could someday be a good mother. AS it looked from that night, Fletcher wouldn't have a father so she would have to be both a good mother and father. She finished making a bottle and headed back to nursery to wait for Fletcher to awake.  
  
Before going back up the stairs, she went to the library to find a book to occupy her mind while she waited. She preferred the lower library because of it's wider selection and controversial material. The door creaked loudly as she entered the library, the books seemed to sigh in relief as the creaking ceased. She made her way cautiously through the rows trying to make as little noise as possible as not to disturb the residents. She made her way to the home of most of the ailments and afflictions sections to look up Lycanthropy to gain more information on the mental state of werewolves and their actions. She had studied the werewolf for years but rather never learned much about their day to day struggles with the affliction only the week before the full moon. She opened one of the books and began reading about the month cycle of the werewolf and the different stages they went through during the time. The reading seemed useless as she wouldn't have to worry about living with a werewolf any longer. Fletcher had tested negative as a newborn and it had been lucky that they'd tested him because his blindness had been discovered then. She tucked the book back on the shelf and continued to search for something useful.  
  
"Having trouble sleeping, Mrs. Hopkins?" She heard from behind her.  
"It is Fletcher's feeding time, though he isn't awake yet." She replied facing the man behind the aisle.  
"Yes, I find that he may very well be the only sleeping inhabitant of this house."  
"Those dreams are going to slowly kill you, Severus, why not take a draught to ease them?" He sneered his lip and closed the book he happened to be reading. She saw he was reading about the habits of werewolves as well.  
"The draughts do not endure." He replied, no sarcasm in his voice, only desperation. He sounded as though he had finally tried the potions, which had been a constant battle between them when they were living in the house together. Every night he would wake in terror, the grief and pain almost unbearable. Every night she would beg him to take the draught and every night he refused.  
"I am sorry for mentioning it, then." She replied wrapping his borrowed robe around her tightly.  
"It is merely a burden I bear and I assume there is always a reason for everything. Unfortunately, the bad times in our lives are repeated more often in our dreams than the good times." He was despondent.  
"I wrote to Remus about something like that after school ended and then after Voldemort fell. He always said it was just my way of dealing with things, to dream of them I mean. I often dream about that night in the cellar. When Fletcher was born I dreamt of it because I had...sorry I am saying too much." She turned quickly from his gaze, not wanting to have a conversation four years in the making. She grabbed Fletchers bottle and walked swiftly out of the library. As if to sense his mothers state, Fletcher James began crying as loud as possible to signal his need. She practically flew up the stairs and to his side, out of breath and shaking. She gather the child from his unfamiliar crib to her familiar arms. She kissed his forehead and warmed him with her hands. After trying to feed him, she changed his nappy, then clothes, then rocked him gently back to sleep. She wondered if he had really sensed her need for a diversion, then placed him back in his crib and fell asleep herself. 


	9. To dance for a moment, part 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books. I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction. Anything you recognize is not mine.  
  
Author notes: Thanks everyone who had reviewed so far.  
  
Chapter 10: To Dance for a Moment  
The days that followed were trying. Hermione and Fletcher remained at Fiddaqua out of necessity and not necessarily want. Severus offered them the residence for as long as they liked, though Hermione didn't want to stay longer than she had to. The previous days had been the first time she'd looked at flats in Hogsmeade. None really made her happy, though she had found one with a superb laboratory. She had explained to Severus at dinner that night that she was looking seriously into buying the place as least to get her things away from Christopher's home and to let Severus have a summer in peace.  
"You really ought to look at some of the homes in St. George. They are rather comfortable and affordable." Severus had interrupted obviously against owning a home in Hogsmeade.  
"Yes, I should, but I would rather like to find something soon." She felt the words trickle out of her mouth before she could see what kind of intention they proposed. "Not that you haven't been a wonderful host and your house a welcome sanctuary, I just need my own space I think. Some of my independence is coming out."  
"Yes, I can understand that completely." He wiped his mouth and stood to go to his study. "Good evening, Mrs. Hopkins."  
"It will be Grainger in one week." She stated.  
"Certainly." He added, noting that her ring had been absent since that morning. Marriage rings were bonded to their bodies like tattoos and appendages, they could not be removed unless a resolvement had been made. Hermione finished her meal and then took Fletcher back to the nursery where Trixie was waiting to collect the washing. Hermione liked the house elf a lot as she was always very helpful with Fletcher and seemed to be taken care of greatly.  
  
She probed into the trunk that had been delivered from her home with Christopher and found a more comfortable outfit of flannel pajamas. She still had no other robes than the one she had borrowed from Severus, so she put that on as well to keep herself warm in the drafty manor. After dozing while reading a book, she headed to the library to return it so she could find another more captivating one. As she rounded the last two stairs and down the hall, she heard music playing loudly from Severus's study. She put her book back on its respective shelf and then contemplated going to Severus's office to see if he was all right. She eventually decided to brave the storm and knocked on his door.  
  
"Severus?" She required loudly, knocking the door in the brisk hallway. She heard a shuffle or two and then nothing. She then opened the door against her better judgement and saw Severus standing before his own collection of books, organizing them, or it appeared that way.  
  
"Severus, is everything all right? I knocked but you never came to the door." She walked closer to him and touched his shoulder briefly. He tensed but never turned to face her.  
  
"My father died today." He whispered, his words flowing on the air like the music that seemed to be getting louder and louder.  
  
"Why didn't you say anything at dinner. Oh, Severus, I am so sorry. I know you loved him." She placed both of her hands on his shoulders which was like reaching to get a cup from the tallest cabinet in the house. He was after all six foot three and her measly five foot seven body hardly reached that high.  
  
"I only just received the owl. He fell from the bell tower after mass." He replied, his voice still low and upsetting.  
  
"What can I do for you? How can I help?" She asked. His head fell forward and his shoulders slumped, her hands falling back. In instinct she put her arms around his waist and gave him a tight hug to show that she did care for him, even if he didn't believe it. The music changed from something fast with a load of violins and cellos to something very smooth, the same violins. It was something familiar...something they had danced to before.  
  
"Severus, please talk to me." He tugged from her grip and faced her, his eyes mad with sorrow. He took her hands in his and pulled her close to him. It was the first time in years that he had accepted her presence, even asked for it. She clasped her hands together once they were tight around his stomach and laid her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.  
  
"Do you recognize this song?" He asked starting to dance with her, taking her hand in his and pulling away. With one hand on her waist and the other tightly around hers, he waltzed with her around his study. Her hair moved like cotton on the wind, swaying in anticipation of the day.  
  
"Yes." She said, never leaving his eyes.  
  
"Do you remember where we danced?" He asked, wondering if she had ever thought of that night.  
  
"The wedding of Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour. The night we made up." She smiled remembering the night and also remembering how happy they were then.  
  
"Yes, the night we made up. I can't believe it was four years ago. This music makes me think it was only hours ago." He looked from her face into the distance behind her and a sad expression crossed over his face.  
  
"Such a long time, it seems." Her own heart became heavy remembering that she had been pregnant with Julius at that wedding.  
  
"I don't know what ever possessed him to go to Scotland and work in that church. He was one hundred and twelve years old for Merlin's sake, he shouldn't have been in the tower."  
  
"He enjoyed seeing the people, Severus. When he was here, he stayed in the bottom house for days on end without any visitors. I believe he liked the people that came to church and I bet it made him feel important to ring all the bells." Hermione responded, catching Severus's eye once more. The words had seemed to heal him a bit.  
  
"He enjoyed having you here, Hermione." Severus held her tight against him again as the song began to change. Hermione thought of Adonis Snape and his wild ways. She would never have thought that Severus and the man were son and father. Severus had dark hair and onyx eyes and this man had red hair like fire and green eyes like a clover.  
  
"I enjoyed being here." She murmured quietly. She wasn't sure if he had heard her, but thought as much when his hand began to caress the small of her back in long, gentle strokes. It took her away to another time, a time when she was so in love with the man in her arms that she would've died for him, and almost did.  
  
***Flashback***  
Hermione's dress was navy and rather simple as she stood in front of the mirror to make sure she had everything on right. She put on the locket Harry had given her for her nineteenth birthday and the bracelet Ron had given her at graduation. The two silver items seemed to add flare to her simple dress and simple appearance. She swirled around her room and then caught site of her now small belly in the mirror. She had always been thin and knew that the new pudge around her middle was more than fat, it was her child. Her eyes fell hard on it and she wondered if she would be able to do it all alone. She thanked the gods that she'd always have a part of Severus with her now that she was having his child, but couldn't help feeling guilty that he had not idea about it. Before meeting Remus at the bottom of his stairs, she put her shawl around her shoulders and made herself smile. As happy as she was about the child, she could tell no one about it especially Severus whom had walked out on her two months prior.  
  
"You look gorgeous, Hermione." Remus scoffed in a mocking tone when she had accomplished the stairs.  
  
"Thank you, Remus, and you're not too shabby yourself." Hermione replied before thy apparated to the garden in which Bill and Fleur were to be married. Hermione had seriously doubted coming to the wedding as she feared her own hormonal reaction to the event and the reaction of the people she'd be forced to be around.  
  
"Hermione, how have you been?" Ginny asked, faking conversation and pulling Hermione from Remus's arm.  
  
"Severus Snape is here, dateless." Ginny added as they walked towards a bench. Hermione scanned the area for him and saw that he was standing with the other professors that were attending the wedding. She averted her attention back to Ginny as she was sure she'd be caught staring eventually.  
  
"Ginny, what am I going to do. How could I really have believed he'd changed and could openly love me. Why did I have to tell him all those things?" Hermione's eyes were full of tears as Ginny embraced her.  
  
"Don't blame yourself, Hermione, he's just horrible like that. You deserve the best and from where we are standing, there are plenty more bachelors available than Snape." Ginny replied giving Hermione a handkerchief.  
  
"I think we should get back, Dean and Remus will be wondering where we've got off to." Hermione walked with Ginny towards Remus and Dean only to discover Remus sitting in front of the Hogwarts professors. Hermione held her head high and took Remus's arm as she sat, wondering if seeing her there made Severus feel any emotion at all.  
  
"Hermione, you've been crying, is everything ok?" Remus asked leaning into Hermione's shoulder, whispering in her ear.  
Remus, my parents didn't make me move out of their home, there is another reason why I left Hogwarts so abruptly." She paused, the music changing to the wedding march." I was seeing Severus Snape." He opened in mouth in awe and shook her a bit.  
  
"What?" Remus exclaimed, standing as Fleur walked with her father down an aisle of cherry blossoms.  
  
"For almost two years. We've kept it a secret for obvious reasons. Two months ago I confessed my love for him and he turned me out." Remus's face- hardened yet his eyes lightened in sadness for her. He honestly wanted to turn around and give the man a good talking to.  
  
"So he denied you, well I'd say it's his loss. You are still so young, Hermione and have plenty of years left to marry. Besides, you deserve better."  
  
"That's what Ginny said."  
  
"Well, she's right. What kind of man denies the love of a good woman.?" Remus released her from his death grip long enough to see Fleur and Bill take hands. She had never particularly cared for weddings but something about this one made her nostalgic and sad. Remus placed his arm around her shoulders and refused to let go, he knew Hermione needed his support. When Hermione had asked him to accompany her to the wedding, he'd accepted readily as she was a fine woman with a good heart; he'd no idea someone had broken it. When all the vows were said and the kiss done, Hermione and Remus stood to go over to the reception. She caught Severus's eye for a second and looked away determinedly as they left, her heart aching with every step.  
  
The reception was pleasant and full. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves including the Hogwarts staff. Hermione and Remus had danced together a couple times and she'd danced with Ron and Harry as well. She didn't feel the need to try to make Severus jealous, she knew that jealousy was an emotion wasted on Severus Snape. It wasn't as though she was dead or away from the country, yet he acted as though she didn't exist at all. While drinking punch, she noticed Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall dancing slowly to a Beethoven piece. It made her heart ache to see them so happy. Dumbledore released his lady and walked towards Hermione to beg a dance.  
  
"You dance marvelously, Professor Dumbledore." She said as they dance about the room.  
  
"You are too kind to an old fool, Miss Granger." He replied, spinning her around.  
  
"I'm so happy we could all be here for this, seems I hardly see any of you now that I've returned to the ministry."  
  
"Yes, we miss you terribly, Miss Granger, though some of us don't dare admit it."  
  
"There'd be nothing to miss is some people weren't so stubborn and self-righteous."  
  
"Quite right, Miss Granger."  
  
"I've tried talking to him, Professor, he just doesn't listen. It's not as if I am trying to kill him, though he treats me no better than one of his death eater fellows."  
  
"Some habits die hard, Miss Granger." Dumbledore replied. His hand in hers, he twirled her away from his body causing her to lose her balance and fall into the rather unsuspecting arms of the Potions Master.  
  
"Sorry." She murmured letting go of Dumbledore and flattening her dress. Dumbledore offered his apologies and skived off towards the punch bowl where his lady was waiting. Hermione couldn't help but believe Dumbledore had done it all on purpose, yet she turned from Severus and walked off to make sure Remus hadn't left with some available bridesmaid. Severus caught her arm abruptly and held tightly.  
  
"You would do well to release my arm, Professor, considering the lack of alcohol in my veins and heart in my chest." She spat her words out like venom as he released her arm. She had desperately wanted reconciliation, but somehow felt those words would not be the ones out of his mouth.  
  
"Remus is waiting for me unless you have something important to say." Hermione waited hoping he might apologize and ask a dance. Waiting seemed to be all she had been doing over the last weeks. "As I expected, can't get your head out of your ass long enough to see the way things really are and should be. You parade about as some overgrown bat awaiting his next victim. Well, congratulations, Severus Snape, that's one more notch on your score card. I hope you're quite satisfied." Hermione had started crying sometime during her speech, her head had lightened and her stomach felt completely empty. She felt her legs become numb and her vision blurred before she could think to walk away, she collapsed in Severus's arms. She had fainted at the most inopportune time.  
  
"Hermione, dear, can you hear me?" She heard Minerva McGonagalls voice echo throughout her brain. She opened her eyes and saw a crowd of quizzical faces above her.  
  
"How long has it been since you've eaten?" Professor Dumbledore asked, sitting her up. She noticed Severus was gone.  
  
"I don't remember." She replied taking the bit of turkey sandwich from Remus's hands and forcing down a large bite. While her feelings of loss had harbored in her brain for months, they were quickly replaced with anger and disappointment. She stared at Remus, her large chestnut eyes afraid to cry.  
  
"Clear off, she needs air." Hermione heard from behind her, a feeling of satisfaction somewhat replacing her anger." Here, you need to take this and eat more of that turkey."  
  
"What is it?" She asked, not wanting to endanger her child.  
  
"Pepper up, what does it matter, you'll feel better." Severus said thrusting a bottle of the potion at her and the rest of the turkey sandwich. She was amazed at the look on his face, it seemed as though he was actually concerned.  
  
"Thank you." Hermione knew every ingredient in the Pepper up potion due to her extensive work with Madame Pomfrey in seventh year. She stood slowly and found a nearby seat.  
  
"Perhaps if you feel up to it we can talk." Severus added trying to see how mad she might still be. He drank a bit more of his wine and studied her face. It looked as though she could kill him or make love to him in an instant.  
  
"We can talk though I doubt you have much to say." Hermione quipped.  
  
"Spicy tongue tonight." Severus said in a muffled tone.  
  
"How would you presume my tongue to be? Should I not be upset?" Hermione's voice shook a bit more than she would've liked. She ate a more of the sandwich and wiped her mouth with a hand that couldn't stop twitching. As she lay it to rest on the table, Severus placed his own shaky hand over hers and sighed.  
  
"I've been a fool." He stated.  
  
"Bloody heel, just now figuring that out."  
  
"You know it's moments like these that remind me why I love you." He said wondering if it was already too late to mutter the right words.  
  
"You sure have a skewed view of how love works then. People in love don't separate for two months because one confesses to adore the other. I don't know what I expected that night, but I can assure you it was not a shove out the door or a delivery of my belongings." She took a breath and claimed her hand from his. "We've been together almost two years and though I'd never said it before, I thought my love was every day implied. I've loved you since I can remember now. If it was all work and play for you, then I wish we'd set that boundary a long time ago because I wouldn't have let it go this far."  
  
"It's not something I am proud of, Hermione. I was irrational and scared. So completely scared and unbelieving that someone like you could truly love me. You don't understand that no one had ever said so many wonderful and lovely things to me before in my entire life. I was terrified of the implications of your love. I was afraid you wanted more than I could give. I can't ask forgiveness because I know it's too soon for all that, but realize I do return your affections and want to show that."  
  
"Prove it." Hermione challenged. He took her hand in his and led her to the dance floor. He put one hand at the small of her back and the other in her hand. When the music slowed, he waltzed with her around the room, his eyes on her with a small smile on his lips. Before she could think to breathe, he kissed her softly on her lips. She responded by resting her head on his chest listening to his quickening heart beat. Soon his arms were around her waist, pulling her closer to him. She could smell spices about his clothes and herbs so intense that she began to breathe through her mouth. Soon she was aware that many of the guests were staring at them.  
"You deserve better than me."  
"So I've been told."  
"Yet you still have such faith in me, how can you do that?"  
"Because you have never used me like everyone in my life has before, you understand me. I don't know, because I can't get over you, though I tried very hard."  
"How romantic."  
"I can return to my dark corner despising you."  
"No, please don't." "Behave then."  
"Will you ever forgive me?"  
"Someday."  
"I won't hold my breath." He replied. She pulled away from him to look into his eyes, as they were always where she found her strength; onyx like the night sky.  
"I was really hurt Severus, I thought I'd lost you forever."  
"But you haven't and you never did in the first place." She smiled and returned her head to his chest, feeling warm and safe.  
"Where have you been staying?"  
"With Remus, why?"  
"Perhaps you should move back to Fiddaqua. You'll have better research materials there anyhow." He replied.  
"How can I be sure I won't be chucked out next week?" She asked back, still unable to let his indisgressions dissolve.  
"You need further proof?" He asked, offering her a box with her name inscribed on it in gold. She reluctantly opened the box and almost fainted again as she peered at the present.  
"It was my grandmothers. She said it always brought her great luck and love whenever she wore it." He said slipping the ring on her finer. It was silver and gold intertwined with a diamond, an onyx stone and a ruby all in a circle around a mother of pearl Celtic cross. "It's not what most women probably expect in an engagement ring, but I felt it suited you."  
"No, Severus, it is lovely." Hermione choked out staring at her suitor. "Do you really want this?" "Yes, more than everything."  
"You've really amazed me tonight."  
"It's less than you deserve, Hermione." He whispered as they sat back down at the nearest table.  
"No, Severus, it's perfect." She leaned into his body and embraced him tightly. " I hope this means no more distance."  
"Of course, Hermione aside from role in the Order, my life is yours." She smiled at him and kissed him longingly as if she hadn't kissed him in years. Little did she know in less than a month, her child would be dead and Severus wretched from her life once more.  
  
*** End Flashback*** 


	10. to dance for a moment part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books. I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction. Anything you recognize is not mine.  
  
Author notes: Thanks everyone who had reviewed so far. This chapter has been broken into two parts because of its length. I will try to space it better since two people have complained about the spacing. Thanks again!  
  
Chapter 10: To Dance for a Moment: Part 2  
The touch of his fingers on her face brought her back to reality and to the fact that she believed she could never feel the way she had on that day. She had felt so miserable and yet so elated in one moment. His fingers found her lips and caressed them delicately as if he was touching the petals of a flower. And without warning he brought his own to hers. She remembered his kisses, light and full of energy as if he hadn't kissed a soul in decades. Her body trembled beneath him, terrified that when she opened her eyes it would be Christopher kissing her instead. "I remember it all." She whispered, pulling the necklace from her neck and showing him the ring, the engagement ring he'd given her those four years before. "You kept it?" He held the ring in his hands and examined it, wondering how he had managed to forget about it so completely. "I wore it for safety, seems your grandmother put a lot of protection spells on it to save someone from harm. Unfortunately I haven't worn it everyday." Hermione took the necklace off and dropped it slowly into Severus's hands. "It's really yours and you should have it. I just couldn't part with it before because I thought I'd never have the chance to give it back properly." She wrapped his hands around it and stepped back to take in his reaction. "I could never take this back, Hermione, once a ring as this has been given, the powers apply only to that person. Once my grandmother passed away, all the powers were restored, and once I gave it to you, the powers became yours. Here." He stepped behind her and fastened the necklace, but before he could move, Hermione grabbed his arms and fell into his embrace. His arms were like stone, yet comforting as pillows or quilts. She had never felt more protected or alone simultaneously . His breath was warm on her neck, like it had always been in the lab and office. He was always looking over her shoulder, breathing on her neck in a way that drove her mad. The music was now slow and soft again, as if Severus's moods and feelings controlled it. She rubbed her eyes a bit in exhaustion and pulled the hair from her face. "Are you tired?" He asked. Sometimes she felt that Severus was the king of asking obvious questions. "A bit, though not enough to leave this place." She could feel him tense a briefly and then relax as she turned to face him once more. Her eyes couldn't place his, they were off on some mountain looking to the sea. She hated that look, the one that told her that she wasn't important in his eyes anymore. She started to leave the room when she realized how selfish she had been, he'd just lost his father after all. "Are they having services for Adonis?" She asked, knowing there was really no perfect time to ask the question, so then was as good as ever. "Two days, in Devonshire where he grew up. Mother won't be attending." "That old bat is still alive...sorry, that was uncalled for." "By all means, blast the wretch. She is not my concern right now for I am sure perfect Sauronis will have concern enough for Mother." He went to his desk and the look that she remembered best appeared to take over his face. He hated his brother. He loved his nephews and his sister-in-law, but his brother was someone he cared never to see again. "Perhaps Sauronis won't make it and then Donavan and Davis can come alone." She offered, but it was obviously the wrong thing to say. "Yes wouldn't that be perfect, they will come here to stay with their Mother and all of her dogs and find you here with an infant they will immediately think is mine. Yes, lets give them that perfect scenario to use against me for the rest of my life. It isn't enough that Sauronis had perfect sons and a perfect fortune, they only have time for family when someone dies." She looked towards him shocked. Was he really that ashamed of her? Without waiting for him to add to his speech, she left him in great speed and went the length of the stairs in what felt like one single leap. She made her way to her rooms and found a wonderfully sleeping child, waiting for her care and attention. She smiled down at him and wondered what dreams he was having in his little dreamland. "You need more than me, poppet, I am afraid we will have to leave here tonight." She couldn't help but want his adoring face in her arms. She found quickly while fights with Christopher brewed that Fletcher's face was a comfort beyond recognizable things. "Won't you wake so I can see you." She pleaded with the sleeping infant. He stirred a little and then awoke with screams and tears, a sight and sound she so desperately needed. With that, she rocked him gently and hoped her comforting arms would slowly lull him back to sleep. Minutes later, when the crying hadn't subsided at all, she began to worry something was wrong. She changed his nappy and his clothes, offered him a bottle, but nothing helped. She placed him back in his crib and hoped that he would eventually fall back asleep. She cursed herself a bit for waking him in the first place. I'm so sorry, Fletcher, what did I do?" She cried feverishly before him, her body exhausted from his screaming. She laid her head down slowly on the floor and fell into darkness. "Hush child, you've made your mother faint." She heard softly, waking from the sleepless dream she'd been in. "Is he still crying?" Hermione asked, not able to fully open her eyes. "He only just stopped, I gave him a small amount of chamomile." "Thank you Christopher, I'll go finish the dinner now, sorry I didn't get to him faster: She tried to stand quickly and realized she wasn't in her home. The room she was in was red, like blood. "Christopher? I am not Christopher." Severus replied, more anger in his voice than he would've liked. He took a swift step towards Hermione and extended his hand to help her stand. "Please don't hurt me, Christopher, I couldn't get here fast enough to calm him. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She whimpered, falling back quickly to the floor, shivering against the carpet. "Hermione, I am not Christopher, I am Severus Snape. I do not want to hurt you." Severus mouthed hoping to bring her back to reality and calm her down. He knelt in front of her and took both of her hands in his. "You are safe with me always." He assured but she didn't acknowledge his words. She pulled her hands back to her own body and wrapped them tightly around her chest. He waited no more than seconds before he scooped her up and carried to her to bed in the next room. The covers were already drawn as if she had been planning on getting in the bed earlier, so he moved them a little further back and placed her squarely in the middle. She looked dwarf-like in the bed made for a broad. Her eyes were swollen with tears and tiredness, but she was still beautiful to him, in the darkness of the room. "Rest peacefully." "So I can pack tomorrow and get out before Sauronis and his dear sons, whom you once loved I might add, will be here to see me and my son." She replied, finally feeling coherent and more like herself. "I shouldn't have said that, Hermione, I could care less what my brother and his beloved children think of my house guests." "Why did you say it then, if not to make me feel worse than I already do because I can't help you with your grief." Her body felt hot with anger and her skin damp with perspiration. He was further away then she would've liked. "I was angry with myself for getting jealous of my brother whom everyone has always adored over myself and also because he has chided me for ages for not being married or having children. You being here would probably help somewhat." He tried without ease to appease her angered mind. "Well, we will be going soon and then you won't have to be brought from your study to the second floor to quiet a shrieking child and a hopeless mother." She turned from him, now glad that he was a few feet away. The words didn't hold all the meaning she wanted in them, she wanted to thank Severus for allowing her to stay with him, but didn't quite know how to say without sounding childish and repetitive. "You are not hopeless. I have watched you with Fletcher and you are immaculate. You always know when it's time to feed him or change him, he hardly has to tell you anymore. And the way you hold him, as though your back isn't swollen and your arms aching, I can't believe you have the stamina you do. I would have given up ages ago, but you haven't." She tunneled out of the covers to peak at him, his face was softer than she'd ever seen it before, as if he was genuinely concerned about her. "You think I am a good mother?" She asked. "Yes." "Thank you." She flattened her back to the bed and sighed. She hadn't slept in four nights, her mind was worried about Christopher's trial and about Fletcher's blindness. Without hesitation she rolled on her side and beckoned Severus to her side. "You are a much better person than I am and you shouldn't have to explain yourself in such a time of grief. I hope you don't think me completely horrible." "I am afraid the exhaustion has caused temporary insanity." He said, sitting on the edge of her bed. "You have sacrificed yourself for years unafraid, or at least unwilling to admit any apprehension, and my classmates never understood any of it. Every time Ron and Harry said something about you, I defended you, but they never really grasped the idea of your role in the order." She said, sitting up and looking into the eyes of her once love. It wasn't as though she was trying to flatter him, she merely wanted him to understand why she held him so high in her life. "You are too kind." "None of that, Professor." "Professor?" "Sorry, old habit." He chuckled a bit, his head rising and falling in a fit she hadn't seen for many years. It was nice to have him back this way, even if he had just lost the only support from his childhood. "I love to see you laugh." She added, as he laughed a bit more, thinking of her days at Hogwarts and how she always tried to answer every single question she could, even if it meant over-extending her arm a million times. "You should try it yourself." And then he stopped and looked at her, his eyes searching her face as though he hadn't seen her in years. She was first to move this time, her arms were around his shoulders, still sitting on the bed. She couldn't help the need to have him near her, it had been there so many years that it was a part of her. "Thank you for helping me with Fletcher, Christopher never helped me unless I was at work and even then Fletcher was with me." "I am glad I was able to help." Severus ran his hands up and down her back, the feeling of the flannel making his fingertips warm. "You have helped more than you realize." She thought back to their dance in the study and how nice it felt just to have his arms around her once more, even for a second. "Will you go with me to Devonshire?" "Of course, I hoped you would ask me, otherwise I would've followed you and that might have seemed suspicious." He laughed again, but this time, his body fell altogether after he stopped and he mourned on her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed his forehead, trying to comfort him as he was obviously more distraught then he had led on to be. She knew men were trained from an early age to hide all feelings, to store them deep inside and never reveal them to anyone. She was grateful he was mourning, sometimes it was the only thing that helped her through dark periods. "How could I not ask you? Aside from my brother, and the old bat, you are the only other person to have known him recently. He rather enjoyed your company and I know he would've liked to know you were with me." "With you?" She asked, pulling away from him to give him a quizzical look. "Not like that, I mean that you were able to comfort me when Mother and Sauronis were caught up in themselves and the fortune." "You are so cryptic sometimes." She laughed a little and then tightened her hands at the small of his uncovered neck. She had always found his robes itchy...she rather liked when he wore his dress shirts, as they were soft and nice to the touch. "I am not cryptic! You are cryptic; I merely state things in a way that leads everyone to their own conclusions. That's not cryptic, that's simplifying myself for the ignorant." "Such wonderful bedroom chatter." "If this were normal bedroom chatter, there would be none, dear." He chided. "Yes, I recall that now." She pulled away from him slightly and searched his face for her next move. It wasn't always easy, so never easy, to gain emotion from Severus Snape. He was like bland chili where you still enjoyed it, but you could never really understand where the flavor came from. While searching his face, she remembered that she had called him Christopher and more than once, with that she pulled away completely from Severus and found solace in her pillow. "I can't believe I called you Christopher." She said, soft enough that it sounded as if she had only mumbled nonsense. "It was duress, you were not thinking properly." "It's still so unlike me. I never relied on Christopher for anything and especially help with Fletcher." She held the pillow tighter to her body and released a sigh, hoping she would escape the images of Christopher rummaging in her brain. "Why did you stay with him for so long if you never loved him." Severus asked, noticing how different she was acting after mentioning his name. "It's complicated." "Complicated, everything is complicated in some form or another. I understand that his memories are still fresh on your mind, but I also understand that something more has happened to make you act as you do now." "After the incident with Voldemort, I left Hogwarts and returned to my flat in Hogsmeade, he was my neighbor and had been since I graduated Hogwarts. He was always kind to me in the mornings when we left for work, always helping me with my folders and bags. Arthur wanted me to take more time off and I refused, worried that with more time off, I would slowly go insane thinking about everything that had happened and everything that I lost. After he forced me to take the time, I stayed holed up in my flat for three days in a drunken stupor, drinking fire whiskey as if it were water. Christopher visited me on the fourth morning. He broke down my door and found me unconscious on my lounger, blood dried around my scar and the bandages almost green with mold. He took me to St. Mungo's and they tried their best to fix me up, but my neglect of the bandages and my consumption of alcohol made most of the scaring permanent." She stopped, and gathered her thoughts. "Christopher had always flirted with me a bit at the office, i never really listened to him or let it get to me, until he saved me from my depression. After I left St. Mungo's, i returned to my flat and promised myself that i would never let anything like that happen again. I felt obligated to see Christopher again and i guess i was so delusional that I thought what i felt for him was love, but it was merely admiration. After a while, i guess he realized that i didn't truly love him and that's when he began to treat me badly. When we took separate rooms, things just continued to get worse and then somehow i got pregnant and he was happy for a bit. And then it got worse." She stopped; believing that Severus was only interested in the way she felt now and not her former affections. "How could they have gotten worse, i thought he wanted children." "He did, and he was very content, until i started crying in my sleep about Julius and you. I would call out to you, he claimed, for hours asking why you had taken Julius away from me." Severus stared intently into her eyes, feeling something like sadness, though somewhat happy that it was over. "You cried for me and Julius, yes i can see how that might be a problem." "He asked me repeatedly to tell him about you and Julius and i always told him enough to satisfy him for the moment. When Fletcher was born and then when he was sick, Christopher blamed me because i was so sad during my pregnancy. He also claimed that I had consumed alcohol in order to hurt the child. He obviously didn't know me very well. And that day when he accused me of putting my work before him, i felt he finally understood our marriage, i didn't realize how horrible things were going to get." "How then, may i ask, did you stay with him for so long? I believe that you have always been forward and forceful, if you knew you didn't want to be married to him and if he was treating you so horribly, why didn't you leave?" "He had saved me and i felt in debt. When I had Fletcher, i felt my debt repaid because Christopher had wanted a child so bad." "I do hope you understand how children are made, Mrs. Hopkins, as you said you somehow got pregnant." "As i have been pregnant twice, i understand perfectly how children are made, i said somehow because I never slept with Christopher besides our honeymoon and then our anniversaries." "Interesting." "I really shouldn't have told you that." She wrestled with her fingers in her hands and then sighed heavily, wishing sometimes that every thought she thought wouldn't expel from her mouth the moment she thought it. "You're just being truthful." "He used a potion on me, I believe, but I can't say for sure because I don't exactly remember." She peered at him sideways and then lay back down on the bed, her head becoming burdensome. "That is illegal, Hermione, and could be used against him." "The trial is already over, it won't do anything now." "You are being stubborn, that information could've sent him to Azkaban instead of putting him on lockdown and giving him an even more lucrative job at the ministry." Severus stood quickly as if to show her his position on the matter. "I don't want to ruin his life." "So his ruining yours and Fletcher's is all right?" Severus spat at her, his emotions on end. How could someone be so forgiving and blind, this was how all men like Christopher Hopkins won at their game. "He didn't ruin my life." "So having to leave your home in fear of him, being raped by him, and ultimately living in a loveless marriage is not ruining your life. What would you call it?" "I am not afraid of him." "Do you hear the words that are flowing from your mouth, how can you be so blind?" "Should I not forgive him? I have forgiven others who have hurt me or misguided me, why shouldn't I forgive him?" Severus's face turned pale and distant from hers, in belief that she was speaking of himself. "You may live your life as you choose, and you will, but bear in mind that not all people are as forgiving and not all people wish to be reminded of their past transgressions on a daily basis." "What are you implying, Severus?" She held the blankets tight around her body and then sat up triumphantly, wondering why he has suddenly become so angry. "Christopher is a horrible person, I didn't love him nor will I ever, but he and I have a son who must be cared for. Christopher will never know Fletcher and I think that is punishment in itself, not knowing your own child. It is painful and horrifying thinking about losing a child." Hermione's eye pleaded with Severus's to calm down, but he only stood firmer in her wake. "Christopher doesn't deserve your pity nor your forgiveness. He didn't deserve a child and especially not by the means in which he was conceived. Fletcher will be better off without someone as him in his life and so will you." She turned from his glare and found solace in her painting of wildflowers and trees of violent red colors. "Who is to say what anyone deserves, Severus. If I am deserving of Fletcher, why was I not deserving of Julius?" She replied in a whisper, her heart sinking slowly in her chest as she felt the immediate rumble of emotion throughout her body. "I cannot answer that for you, Hermione." "You believe I didn't deserve him!" She whipped her body around and stood to face the dark man, his face alone in madness. "I have no answers." Blankly, she stared into his eyes and felt nothing, not truly anger or sadness. It was the first time she ever recalled feeling that way when looking at him. As if to understand his mother's dilemma, Fletcher began crying from the other room, his voice loud and shrieking through the halls. "If you will excuse me." She swept past him and into the small nursery where Fletcher was singing his discomfort. She felt his forehead and then returned to her rooms to change, Severus still watching her every move. "He has a fever." She changed in front of Severus, no care for being modest and went back to the nursery to find Fletcher's belongings. Without a word, she gathered all of his clothes and his suitcase, as well as hers and went down the long stairs to the door of Severus's home. She turned, surprised that Severus hadn't even come to the top of the stairs, and then apparated to St. Mungo's. 


	11. And Friends Again

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books. I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction. Anything you recognize is not mine.  
  
Author notes: Thanks everyone who had reviewed so far. I have been through some of the other chapters and fixed some spacing issues. I also fixed some places where some people could've mistaken the speaker to be someone else. If you can't understand who the speaker is, I'm sorry but I can't simplify it any more. If it's the same paragraph, the same person is still speaking. If it's not, then chances are it's someone else speaking! Thanks again to Bansidh for continued reviewing useful feedback!  
  
Chapter 11: And Friends Again part one  
The healers tried their best to soothe Hermione as she waited to hear news of her son's illness. Fletcher Hopkins had been at the hospital more than his home for the first months of his life and the routine had become quite tiresome. She read through pamphlets about certain magical ailments that she'd never heard of, surprisingly so considering that she had worked with Madame Pomfrey for a period of time. After sitting for what seemed like an hour, Hermione stood to talk to one of the healers and felt a light tap on her shoulder.  
"Hello stranger." The man said, grasping her hand in his while she turned to face him.  
"Harry, oh my, it's been so long. How are you?" Harry led her back to the waiting station and sat beside on her on a very uncomfortable and cold bench.  
"Good, I've started an apprenticeship with Madame Sirocco to work with children here at St. Mungo's. And you, what brings you here today?"  
"My son is ill. He felt warm and his eyes were puffy and red, so I brought him here to get a check up. He's been ill for a while and since he can't say what's wrong with him, I just bring him here for safety."  
"Your son? When did you have a son?"  
"February 28 of last. My former husband and I, that is, had him last February."  
"Former, you and Christopher aren't together anymore? What happened, I'd always heard from Gin that you were both so well suited." Hermione snorted and turned her gaze from him, knowing that just year's prior Harry would've known everything about her, especially the man she had formed a romantic attachment to.  
"We were well suited in some things and not so well in others. He is in confinement right now. Fletcher, that's my son, is in my custody."  
"What happened that you can't tell me why your former husband is in custody?"  
"He was irrational and sometimes very unhappy and he treated me in a way that was unbecoming of a husband." Hermione eyes searched Harry's for understanding, hoping he wouldn't press the matter further.  
"Where have you been staying?"  
"With Severus, I mean that is until now. After we leave here I was planning on going to Remus's flat until he returns from the ministry after testing."  
"Yes, I am quite sure living with Snape could be bothersome." She shot him an abrupt look and then fidgeted with her hands as always and snorted once more.  
"He was very kind to let us stay with him, but I should have realized that it wouldn't work out and just stayed at Remus's flat in the first place."  
"You can always bunk at my place, it's in Hogsmeade." Harry offered, patting her arm slowly as if she needed his comfort.  
"Thank you, but it would be an imposition considering that Fletcher will have to get used to another room and he'll keep you up all the time."  
"Hermione, it will be fine, besides we have so much to catch up on. I mean, where have you been for the last three years. I wrote you a million letters and you never answered them. I came to check on you once and Christopher said you didn't want guests, I just assumed you didn't want to have a friendship with me anymore." Startled, she looked at him quizzically.  
"I never received one letter from you."  
"Do you think Christopher kept them? I know I sent them unless Hedwig ate them before they got to you." He laughed a bit, but she, however, did not. Her hands trembled in her lap as she thought about all of the things that Christopher had kept her from and also about Severus's cruel words.  
"I am so sorry, Harry, I never meant to make you feel as though you weren't important in my life."  
"It's life, Hermione, maybe it was better. I was so jealous of Christopher that I would've probably been cruel to him."  
"Jealous, why?"  
"Are you kidding. You have found someone you I thought completed you and I was so jealous because inside I knew that there was no one to complete me anymore. It was horrible."  
"Who then?"  
"Tonks."  
"And you got on to me about Severus."  
"Yes, because Snape is a greasy git who could never love you with all that he is, Tonks was so different, so perfect."  
"I believe you might be right about Severus. I mean, I told him the truth about our separation and then he let me stay with him, and tonight he was so wonderful and so cruel at the same time."  
"What did he say?" Her eyes met his and she wondered if he could handle all that she might tell him.  
"It is complicated. I mean, there is so much I hid from everyone, Harry, that I truly believe you would be upset."  
"We all have our secrets, Hermione. I know you loved him, even if it's hard to believe, but I know there's history and I guess if you can't tell me, I understand."  
"No, it's only right, you deserve to know if I am going to be staying with you. When I told Severus I loved him while I was working with him, he basically forced me to leave him. I found out I was pregnant not but two days after I left. Then we reconciled and I still didn't tell him about the baby in fear that he would blame me or accuse me of trying to ruin his life. I was abducted, as you know, by the Death Eaters and tortured, except that Severus was called upon to do the deed. He mutilated my face and then my abdomen, killing our child and I guess for a long time, I couldn't forgive him for taking that away from me. So, I left him and never told him about it all until I was given an assignment to do further research into the new Wolfsbane he and Remus had been working on. He helped Fletcher get over chicken pox and discovered that I had been pregnant with his child. He was so forgiving and yet so guilty that I believe I mistook his feelings for forgiveness in me and not in himself. His father passed away earlier today and I tried my best to help him grieve. He made an uncalled for comment about my being at his house with an infant and how his family might make accusations about us. And then basically implied that I didn't deserve Julius and that is why he was taken from me."  
  
"Are you serious...you aren't joking at all. He made you miscarry and then told you that you didn't deserve the child in the first place. The gall of that man. Sometimes I believe he has no heart." Harry fumed while he spoke, the words slipping from his mouth as if he was choking.  
"He has a heart, it just doesn't have room for me in it." Hermione felt the first signs of tears coming; her heart was racing as well having revealed so much in such a short period.  
"I wish you'd told me about all this before, I could've helped you."  
"You were always so busy everytime I tried to get in touch, I just gave up after a while."  
"Yes, I can see how I was very available. You know how I am sometimes, Hermione. I was grieving for Tonks and I guess I never put myself out there for support. I am here now, though, that must mean something." Harry draped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed a bit to show her he was sorry.  
"Mrs. Hopkins, Healer Sirocco would like to speak to you." A young healer said, breaking the tender moment between two friends.  
"Would you like to come with me, I might need some emotional support." 


	12. And Friends Again part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books. I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction. Anything you recognize is not mine.  
  
Author notes: Thanks everyone who had reviewed so far. This is the second part of Chapter 11.  
  
"Fletcher has a cold Mrs. Hopkins. I gave him a calming draught and also a sleeping draught to ease his suffering, but otherwise I am afraid the cold must run its course." Hermione took the bundle of baby boy from the healer and kissed his warm skin. In all her life she had never felt so relieved and terrified in the same moment. The feelings of terror, brought on by the fact that she really had nowhere to call home, were replaced with happiness and understanding as Harry rubbed her tense shoulder and calmed her fear of being alone. She had faith in her abilities as a mother to care for her young son and she had always been independent in most aspects of her life; however in her years of marriage to Christopher she had come to rely on a second presence in her home.  
  
"Thank you, Madame." Hermione offered before leaving the room as quickly as possible. She accumulated all of Fletcher's blankets and toys and walked through the halls of St. Mungo's to rid herself of the hospital and the smell of discontent. She had always hated hospitals.  
  
"What time are you off, Harry?" She asked as the brisk July air hit her face both warming it and cooling it at the same time.  
  
"Anytime is fine. I was working extra to get out of my house. Gets lonely without someone to come home to." He looked to the sky and offered his robe to her as he felt a slight drizzle falling on his face and fogging his glasses.  
  
"Only in July can the sky look that clear and yet there still be a shower in the air." Hermione took the cloak in thanks and wrapped both herself and Fletcher before they moved closer to Harry to apparate to his home.  
  
"We can apparate from here, if you're ready." She nodded and he embraced her tightly, his arms cold and limp from hours of work. A swift crack was heard in the air and seconds later Hermione was staring at a lovely brown flat with Harry's name on the post box.  
  
"It's lovely, Harry." She said, handing him his robe and stepping towards the door. He followed slowly, his heart happy to have his friend back and his mind heavy with yet more questions.  
  
Times in brownstone number 24 were lovely. Hermione soon adjusted to living in Harry's home as he wasn't there much and often stayed in the kitchen most of the time. Fletcher had adjusted as well to his new room but could often be found sleeping in Hermione's room in a crib that she'd found at a flea market not far from Harry's house. Harry hadn't asked all the questions he'd really wanted to, but figured Hermione would answer them herself without his having to ask as it wasn't really his place to go digging into her past. Their relationship had become as it once was; Hermione buttered his toast and poured his tea as she'd always done at Hogwarts and he read her the important parts of the paper. Their routine was exactly that, routine. Hermione was awake at five in the morning to get Fletcher up for his daily exercises and activities for his eyes and also his muscles. She made the tea at six-thirty as Harry was getting out of the shower and at seven sharp they ate a quiet an often sublime breakfast, most of the talking was done by Fletcher who had managed to learn a few small sentences, git being his favourite.  
  
Eight o'clock was reserved for a moment of silence for their departed and for the start of a good day and Harry was off to St. Mungo's. Hermione left for the ministry at eight-thirty, Fletcher either went with her or stayed with Ginny who loved watching him. They both returned at six o'clock at night to make a haphazard dinner. It was all so normal now after seven months that Hermione and Harry hardly wondered what life had been like before, though Hermione was still curious as to what Severus was doing, yet never tried to contact him except to get the books she'd left at his home. He hadn't offered any apologies or niceties so she hadn't bothered asking why things had turned out the way they had. Times were lovely, but in need of change. Hermione wanted something more; her own flat, her own rooms, and most of all freedom from the reliance on a man. She loved Harry as the brother she'd never had, but often she wondered why she had continued to stay in his home for so long. With Christopher's trial over, his confinement semi-permanent, she knew the money she'd saved would be available to herself only. So, she'd decided to buy her own home.  
  
"Harry, I've bought a flat." Harry spit his tea a bit and laughed shyly his eye catching hers in surprise.  
  
"Already? Well, where is it then?" Hermione took the spoon from Fletcher's grasp and helped him out of his hi-chair.  
  
"We can go look at it if you'd like." Harry followed Hermione out of the back door towards the lawn.  
  
"You've moved into my backyard?"  
  
"Don't be daft, I bought that one there, behind yours." Hermione pointed at the brick townhouse directly behind Harry's and waited for his response. Surprising, he went back into the house without a word.  
  
"Harry! I'm sorry I didn't tell you it was sort of a surprise." Hermione yelled after him, Fletcher smiling towards the door, a stone in his tiny hand.  
  
"It was a brilliant surprise, Hermione, I just needed to get my trimmer to take down those shrubs."  
  
"You could just use your wand." Hermione said after ten minutes of watching Harry try to garden. "I thought you said your Aunt Petunia used to make you garden." Hermione said, snickering as Harry tried desperately to clear the bushes.  
  
"Yes, perhaps that would be easier. Come on then, Madame Wand Waiver, queen of Gardening, help out." Hermione took her wand out and the shrubs were gone, there absence replaced by the openness between the two homes.  
  
"When are you moving then." Harry laughed a bit and picked Fletcher up from his delightful hole in the mud.  
  
"I was hoping this weekend, but that depends on whether we can convince Ron to help."  
  
"That's not big deal. Michael and Paul will be with Molly this weekend because Katie's gone back to the hospital. Ron will want something to occupy him."  
  
"Well, I need to pop into work for a bit. Fletcher, want to come to work?" He turned his chubby face towards her and reached for her arms.  
  
"Goody." He yelled, his face lighting up with wonder.  
  
"I believe you have the only child in the world who loves going to a stuffy office full of books and weird potions."  
  
"He's a book worm all right."  
  
"just like his mum." Harry said, muttering a bit. She slapped his arm lightly and turned towards the house to get Fletcher cleaned up and to get her briefcase. Harry ruffled Fletcher's curly sable hair and wished them a good trip. He had almost hoped Fletcher would be staying for the afternoon as he was easy to use as a test case for new therapy techniques he had been learning. With Hermione's permission and with his education, he had successfully helped give Fletcher one third of his vision back. That had been a truly remarkable feat as no one had done it before.  
  
"I shouldn't have let you get so dirty, Fletcher James. You look absolutely dreadful." She used her wand to clean his clothes and then a soft, warm rag to wipe his face and hands. She felt that personal touch made her son trust her more than simply using magic to clean him all the time. After his quick cleaning, Hermione gathered her notes on a potion she'd been researching that helped remove the unpleasant symptoms of pregnancy and headed with Fletcher in tow back down the stairs. As she rounded the last step, she grabbed Fletcher's jumper and hat and they walked through the door.  
  
"Ron's coming by tonight for dinner, thought we might fly a bit." Harry voiced while polishing his Nimbus 2006 on their front steps. Hermione rolled her eyes and laughed bit as she heard Fletcher try to say broom.  
  
"It's not enough that Fletcher's first word was nimbus, you'll have him flying on a broom between our houses before he can walk properly." Harry smiled at her comment, forming a new plan for the young boy. He let Fletcher feel the broom in his hands and then sat back on the stairs, his head low and his mind intent on his broom. Hermione worried that he was lonely, but everyone was lonely lately and she hoped someday he would find a new love.  
  
"I'll be home around five." With that she stepped off the stairs and apparated to her office in the ministry. Fletcher held tightly to her neck, his hands in a fist that she'd tried to explain to him many times. She needn't have worried about his being scared of apparation as he was a fearless child, inheriting his Uncle Harry's lack of care for rules. Even at 11 months and 27 days old, Fletcher was a dare devil born to make his mother worry. His sicknesses had subsided with age and with improved vision she was sure he would be walking more steadily soon enough. She had come to work that day for one reason, Remus was being released from the Wolfsbane potion research and she would finally have her good friend back to talk to and relate to.  
  
"Good morning, Hermione." She heard as she entered her office door. She gave Fletcher his favourite book and watched him scuttle towards a bean chair in center of the room.  
  
"Good morning, Remus, glad to be out?" Hermione asked, pouring a cup of tea and sitting beside him on the couch.  
  
"Yes, very much. I believe I have had quite enough of the ministry for a good while. I had hoped to see you earlier this morning, but Arthur said you've bought a flat and was closing some final papers today. Said you'd been staying with Harry." Hermione sipped her tea and nodded as he spoke.  
  
"Yes, for about seven months."  
  
"I remember leaving you in the capable hands of Severus Snape eight months ago, was he that horrible that you had to move in with Harry?" Remus asked, his eyes moving from Fletcher's giggles at the marine animals in his books and Hermione's nervous laughter.  
  
"We were not compatible living mates." She replied bluntly, hoping Remus would drop the matter.  
  
"I realize that I am prying but the way you are holding that cup as tightly as you can leaves me to think something happened." She placed her teacup on the table in front of her and stood her face was blank, her mind in turmoil. She hadn't really relived the moments except when Harry had asked. It wasn't like she had broken up with Severus as they hadn't been dating, but rather she felt as if it was all over, completely over.  
  
"It was fine until I began to care for him again and then, as always, he became his famous, sadistic self and said some things that were hurtful and irreversible. I left his home in July and moved in with Harry. We haven't spoken since." She turned towards him, but kept her eyes on Fletcher who was watching two whales jump towards him from the book. Her stores were the next object of distraction, but they were rather bare and kept her attention only seconds.  
  
"You began to care for him again?"  
  
"As if I ever really stopped. It was just so easy, Remus. He was kind and helpful. He danced with me in the study."  
  
"But..."  
  
"As always, it just isn't enough for Severus to have someone to love him. I tried to support him and help him grieve when his father died, but he was so closed off. Adonis had been so kind to me when I had stayed with Severus before and I hoped that my relationship with Adonis would've comforted Severus, but he said these horrible things to me." Fletcher had moved from his bean chair to Remus's leg, begging with open arms to be lifted from the floor.  
  
"Severus doesn't understand human compassion."  
  
"He understand pain, pain he inflicts on others and himself. He said he didn't want his family to find Fletcher and me in the house after his father's funeral. He said that Sauronis and his sons would find it all odd and make accusations. He said I didn't deserve Julius." Remus moved closer to Hermione and let Fletcher crawl from his lap to hers. His tiny fingers curled in Hermione's hair as he lay his head on her chest.  
  
"He was mourning, Hermione."  
  
"He apologized for implying that Sauronis and his sons would think I was a whore, but he never apologized for Julius. He said I didn't deserve him."  
  
"And you haven't talked since?"  
  
"No, I left with Harry from St. Mungo's that night. Fletcher had a cold and since he'd been so ill I went to St. Mungo's. Severus hasn't tried to contact me and I never said goodbye."  
  
"And who's Julius?"  
  
"Severus and my son. I was pregnant when I was abducted by the Death Eaters and as a result i lost him." Remus's gaze fell quickly on her face and saddened as he realized the implications of Severus saying she didn't deserve the child.  
  
"I'm sorry, darling." Remus wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close to him.  
  
"I wish I would've told you a long time ago, but I never found the words."  
  
"All in good time, Hermione. You had every right to keep that private. And as for Severus, well, I can only imagine he was feeling less than deserving himself. It's no excuse, I know." Fletcher hugged Hermione's neck a little and sighed. She was sure he could sense her tension.  
  
"Thank you, Fletcher."  
  
"His vision seems to be improved."  
  
"Yes, Harry has been working with him to improve his vision. His verbal skills are top notch. He has said so many words, but often has the hardest time with the simplest once. This morning he couldn't say broom and last night he said conundrum." Remus smiled at Hermione gushing over her son. The more he watched Fletcher, the more he was reminded of Hermione. When he had last saw the boy, he had been a twin to Christopher with dark hair and all his features, but now his features had softened and his eyes were bright like Hermione's, except violet like Christopher's.  
  
"Is that a Weasley sweater?"  
  
"Yes, Molly sent it last week as an early birthday present. His first is on Sunday, can you believe it?"  
  
"No, it doesn't seem as though it's already been a year." Hermione snuggled her son a little tighter and kissed his soft cheeks.  
  
"So much has happened that I have to stop and breath sometimes in fear that it isn't over yet." She whispered, her eyes now on Remus's tired face.  
  
"There are many more years to improve upon this one."  
  
"You must come to his birthday party. We'll hopefully be in number twenty-six by then and you'll get to see our new home."  
  
"What time will it be, I'll have to check my schedule." Hermione laughed, standing to gather Fletcher's books up off the floor.  
  
"Sunday at three in the afternoon. Ron will have Michael and Paul. And of course the entire Weasley broad will be there and Neville's daughter Caroline."  
  
"Neville?"  
  
"He adopted her from Russia. She's a doll, all tiny and in love with her new Papa. It's so sweet seeing them together."  
  
"Mummy, where Caroline?" Fletcher asked, his face sad in searching for the little girl."  
  
"She's with Uncle Neville in Kent, poppet. We will see her on Sunday with Michael, Paul, all your Weasley cousins and Uncle Remus."  
  
"I must be going then, Hermione. Have to dust the flat down and hopefully get some much needed sleep."  
  
"You'll have to tell me about your tests sometime."  
  
"An owl will be bringing you some interesting news this afternoon so I'll let that explain everything." Remus gave her a quick hug and walked out of her office. True to his word, not five minutes after he left, an owl fluttered at her window.  
  
"Thank you." She said to the bird, giving it some treats. She opened the letter and dropped into her chair. The potion had been a great success and because of her involvement in both the preliminary tests and research, she was going to get an Order of Merlin, First class on February 16.  
  
"Saturday, aren't they a bit abrupt." She read on and saw that the ceremony was going to be at the ministry in the reception hall at seven p.m.  
  
"Maybe Harry won't have anything to do." She thought aloud, not wanting to go to the ceremony by herself. She put the letter in her bag and tidied up her office a bit before wrapping Fletcher in a blanket and closing her office door behind her. She turned right towards the hall and stepped quickly down the great steps and out the door. Before disapparating home, Hermione looked towards the muggle city. She wrapped the blanket tight around Fletcher's body and took one more glance towards the street and as she disapparated, she caught sight of Severus Snape apparating beside her. 


End file.
